In the Shadows of Monsters
by PepperyPiper
Summary: It has been over two years since Edward left Bella in the forest that day. She is committed to moving forward with her life, but there are ghosts lingering in the shadows threatening to destroy her newly established happiness. Rated M for a reason! J/B.
1. Numbness

B-

When he left Forks that afternoon- he left more than rain clouds and snow tires. He left a lonely field of lilacs still covered in the morning dew. He left declaration of eternal love floating out of an open bedroom window into the blackened midnight sky. He left inside jokes, prom pictures, and an empty lunchroom seat.

He left _me._

He left Charlie and Renee. He left the future family I had already begun to imagine we could create together. The family I had, unbeknownst to me until I had to mourn it, already begun to love. And so, as I lay on the leaf strewn mossy ground of the forest floor still savoring the final kiss he left on my forehead before disappearing into the trees, I shut down. In an effort of self-preservation I willed my brain, which was overwhelmed by the vastness of its sudden loss, to concentrate on each breath escaping my lungs. All of my senses clung to the progressively less jagged exhalations pushing through my lips and hanging heavily in the air around me. Like clouds. _Like ghosts._

Despite the lush surroundings, I found pleasure in only the numbness that began to soothe each achingly empty body part as it worked its way up my body. I was thankful for the deadness as it stopped my feet from continuing their empty search of the woods for him. It hushed my knees' silent cries of shame- _We should have begged for you to stay_-, and momentarily quelled the desire I had felt for him since the second I saw his crooked smile.

And my heart- the numbness froze the burning edges of its newly shattered pieces.

I closed my eyes tightly and waited patiently for the ice to spread to my hands, which still reached out for him in vain- finding only the deepening twilight to embrace instead of his loving arms. My lips were still parted slightly in anticipation of his honey-toned kisses, while my eyes and ears waited to behold his laughter as he teased me for being gullible enough to believe he could ever leave.

My mind, stuck somewhere between cursing him for suddenly departing, leaving nothing more than a postcard of the life we could have had, and disgust at myself for clinging to the nicotine-laced emotion of hope that still ran through my blood.

He never came back for me that night. Warmth, not coolness lifted me eventually from my cocoon of emptiness in the woods that night.

In fact, Edward had not come for me on any of the nights in the two years that have passed. And while I've moved on with my life the best I could, I've come to terms with the fact that some wounds never heal. That numbness never drowned me completely, leaving parts of me scarred and tortured by his memory. I still feel his breath on my neck, and hear his voice in my ear, but every time I turn around to face him – he's gone. And as much as I now loved Jake, I wondered if I could ever love him the way that I had loved Edward- all moonshine and nightingales, innocence and revelry.

* * *

"Bella, the wedding's in a month and you still haven't picked a dress out yet! For the love of God, this is one thing I can't do for you," Jessica lectured me.

I put down the dream catchers we were assembling as wedding gifts and looked up at the poorly spackled yellowing ceiling before sighing loudly.

"Ughhh. I know, I know. I don't know what's _wrong_ with me. Everything I look at just isn't… me. There are too many sequins, pearls and ribbons. Why the hell does every wedding dress now-a-days look like it has spent a night in the hands of a twelve year old and her bedazzler after a Dr. Pepper binge?" I groaned.

Jessica turned to me barely suppressing a laugh, "Okay, you are ridiculous. You are so old fashioned Bella. Sometimes I think you were born in the wrong century. You and my grandma would have been BFF's back in the roaring 20's" she joked.

I refused to get annoyed with Jessica. She was only doing what a Maid of Honor was supposed to do- which according to the plethora of Bride's magazines she's been flipping through for months - is actually to keep the bride on track rather than help them make decisions. This task was proving especially difficult for her however, as the closer the wedding came, the more and more distracted I became. If I was being honest with myself, I used the dress as an excuse. I kept telling myself no one carried what I really wanted: a simple floor-length, off-white dress. No sass, no glitter- just plain. Like me. But honestly, I hadn't put too much effort into dress shopping. Everyone knew that getting the dress made it _real_, and every attempt I had made at trying to shop for one had ushered in a torrent of painful memories. I was trying to stifle them as best as possible.

Jessica knew this though and over lunch one afternoon she told me I hadn't gotten a dress because I was still waiting for Edward to show up and tell me not to go through with it. I felt the shame of the truth of her recognition rise up my back like a wave of heat. Even I hadn't realized that as a possible answer for my previously assumed laziness.

"… I mean, what was it like to live through Black Tuesday?" Jessica asked.

"Huh?" I stammered.

"You are so out of it today. What's your problem?" She was less amused now.

"Nothing. Seriously, just thinking about all of the stuff I still have to get done over the next few weeks. It's kind of… really soon." I assured her, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Ya think?!" She had one eyebrow arched and her jaw was hanging open. "One of those HUGE things being your dress."

"Okay. I promise tomorrow we can go to Port Angeles to that dress shop you've been chatting up for the past few weeks" I gave in.

"AND…" She tapped her foot expectantly and gave me a pointed glance over her shoulder.

"Annnnnnd… I'll put a smile on my face and genuinely try to enjoy myself" I answered half-heartedly.

She turned to face me saying, "I was hoping more for something like 'And I'll find the dress of my dreams and as a thank you- I'll take you out to a lovely lunch at that amazing Italian restaurant on Main Street." She crossed her fingers, bit one side of her lip and peeked at me through a squinted eye.

"Ummm… I can't promise the first part but I'll keep an open mind. And I really do owe you lunch for the invitations…and the bridesmaids dresses, flowers, reception hall… Jesus. Why don't you and Mike just go ahead and get married since you've pretty much planned the whole thing" I joked.

"Oh you're soooo funny, aren't you? As if I'd get married in a field, Bella! And we only JUST got engaged two weeks ago. Though, let's not kid ourselves- the entire thing is pretty much already planned. Down to the lingerie I'll be wearing on my honeymoon." She looked at me and her eyes gleamed.

I blushed emphatically.

"Oh, _God_ T.M.I. Jessica! That poor boy doesn't know what he's in for, does he?" I didn't want to picture the twenty ways Jessica had figured out how to torture Mike with feathers, lace, and satin so I picked the thin leather rope up and began to tie more knots for the dream catchers.

"You're only blushing because you're still in possession of your v-card. Just you wait Bella, before you know it you'll be making me blush with sex stories of you and your giant, delicious, wolf of a husband. Did I mention you are a cradle robber, by the way?"

"Umm, nope. Not today Jess. And you're right, I'm going to think of the most disgusting things two people can do to each other during…_that,_ and then paint pictures of them so you can carry the images of us performing them with you forever. The way I get to with the terrifying things you tell me you do with Mike." I turned back to her and attempted to appear as serious as possible.

She held my gaze and wrinkled her nose. "Oh em gee Bella! I will gauge my eyes out! Though I doubt anything that _young_ man does could be considered disgusting. Does he even know what sex is?" She winked at me.

"JESSICA! That's my _almost_ husband you're talking about! And he's eighteen! Of course he knows what … sex is."

"Okay, okay. I'm kidding. But yeah, back to what we were saying earlier before I was affronted with images of you and Jacob makin' it - you do owe me. And admit it- you're getting off pretty easy with just buying me lunch," she had a serious tone in her voice but her eyes betrayed her sarcasm. "I'm practically working magic here with what little information you've given me. I mean, what twenty year old woman doesn't have a vision of what she wants for her wedding?"

I had no intention of answering that question so I turned back to the table deciding to start tying ribbons around the silvery sacks of birdseed we were handing out to the guests for our departure from the reception. I had told Jessica I'd never really wanted to get married as a kid. That after spending a few weeks every summer with Charlie in Forks and the rest of the year in Phoenix with my mom- marriage seemed pretty destructive and quite frankly- pointless. Of course that had changed the first time I kissed Edward and suddenly every image I'd ever seen from various magazines and television shows flashed in my mind. I knew exactly what type of wedding I wanted with Edward. Candles, a quartet, an antique lace dress, things that were perfect for us. But that dream was gone and I now had to scramble to create a new one.

"You know, I have to admit, this wedding- with the Quileute elements combined with the traditional wedding elements- is going to be awesome. I've never been to a wedding on the reservation. And even though I know I've done an amazing job, I'm kind of excited to see how it turns out!" Jessica was beaming and I let her obvious excitement lift my spirits as I smiled back at her.

I had had my doubts about Jessica when I first moved to Forks, but after Alice left with the rest of her family, Jessica sort of just fell into place as my best girl friend. She could never replace Alice, but then again, she never tried.

I had been out of school for a week after the Cullens left. I couldn't bring myself to get out of my bed, let alone take a shower, get dressed and interact with my peers in a school setting. Everyone would be looking at me, reminding me that I was only one half of what I used to be with him. Five days into my nightmare, Jessica and Angela both showed up at the front door with nail polish, ice cream, a copy of Steel Magnolias, and their pajamas. Charlie took one look at them, mouthed the words 'Thank God', and stepped aside. He had been staying home from work the entire week just in case I needed him- mostly spending his time pacing the floor, checking the various sports scores on TV, and trying to think of the right thing to say to his brokenhearted teenage daughter, while drinking his Vitamin R. Jessica and Angela practically shoved me in the shower and once I was dressed in some clean PJ's we settled in for what I was sure would be torture. Angela started the movie and sat on the bed next to me and begun painting my toenails in a pale pink. Jessica sat behind me and took a brush to my wet hair and whispered, "just relax Bella. I'll give you a French Braid if you want."

I hadn't been touched since Charlie had lifted me up to my room five days prior and I forgot how wonderful it felt. The act was so gentle, so selfless, _so unlike Jessica _that I tasted salty tears on my lips before I even realized they had spilled from my eyes.

The girl time hadn't taken away the emptiness, it hadn't made me determined to move on with my life the second the film was over, but I found myself smiling and I even managed to laugh at one point- an act that had seemed a major feat only two hours prior.

When I asked them later how they had known what I needed, even after I had practically ignored their existences since Edward and I started dating, they just smiled softly, looked at each other, and Angela said,

"We missed you. Even when you stopped hanging out with us because you were always with him - we still enjoyed seeing you happy. And when we heard the whole Cullen family had left and then you didn't come to school after a few days, we imagined you here… with Charlie..." They both looked at each other and then back to me.

"…so basically, we imagined you all alone and in pain. We had to come Bella." Jessica finished.

I will never again underestimate the power of female bonding over ice cream and a chick-flick.


	2. Melting

"Are you going to answer that, or are you still trying to make the poor boy work for it?" Jessica asked pulling me from my memories.

I looked up and suddenly noticed my phone vibrating loudly against the wooden table it lay on. I picked it up and read the caller ID before answering it- _Jake._

"Hey babe" he said.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked lamely.

"I was just wondering if I could stop by and take you to dinner tonight, if you're done with- whatever secret thing it is you two are doing this time? Let me guess, sacrificing goats to the Gods in thanks for granting you such an amazing fiancé?"

"How did you know? Ummm, yeah…dinner. Sure. What time?"

"In about forty-five minutes. Sound good?"

"Yeah, we should be all done cleaning up the blood. I mean, the birdseed. I'll wait outside for you."

"Ha ha ha. Maybe you can fill me in over dinner on what our wedding will be like since Jessica won't let me know any details. I can't wait to see you. I love you Bells."

"Sounds good. You too Jake."

I closed the phone and squinched my eyes together. What the hell was wrong with me?

_Get it together Bella. Jake loves you, and you love him. You are just freaking out because the word wedding brings back shitty memories. But that's all they are- memories. They're not real._

Forty-four minutes later I stepped out of Charlie's front door after hugging Jessica goodnight and setting a pick-up time for the Port Angeles shopping trip tomorrow morning. It was getting warmer every day and this evening it was a cool 49 degrees outside. Usually I would be complaining about having to still wear a jacket in April, but judging by the pattern of weather it meant that the day of the wedding should be in the high sixties- the perfect temperature for an outdoor wedding. I saw lights round the corner and then the red hood of Jake's VW Rabbit appeared. I pulled in another breath of the cool air and made my way down the driveway.

His bare elbow hung out of the window. He was wearing a t-shirt, of course. He was like a walking space heater. I opened the door and sat down in the bucket seat in one fluid motion.

"Hi," I whispered as I leaned in to kiss his warm soft lips. I held the kiss longer than usual and put my palm against his strong jaw line, penance I told myself, for my stroll down memory lane all day.

"Mmm, I could get used to that greeting every night coming home to you, Mrs. Black" his eyes twinkled as he said the last part, his lips turning up at the corners. He pulled out of the driveway.

"Not yet! And who said I would be taking your last name, anyway? I kinda like Swan. Or maybe I could have one of those hyphened names like all the cool independent ladies have these days: _Black-Swan_. Bella Black-Swan. Ohhh! I like that! It sounds sort of Indian too, doesn't it?" I smiled hugely and cocked my head to the side in anticipation of his answer.

Being near Jake again reminded me of why I was marrying him in the first place. As lame as it sounded, he just makes me happy.

"Actually, I cannot allow that. You would have a more traditional name than I would. And everyone would think I was the one who married into the tribe!" He laughed out loud at the thought and I joined in knowing such an assumption would never be made. Next to his black hair and russet coloring I looked practically translucent. Not to mention he was next in line to be the chief.

We finally pulled into a parking spot at our favorite restaurant, _Sam's Super Supper. _Terrible name, incredible food. We found our usual booth and Jake sat beside me with his long muscular arm wrapped around me.

"I can't believe the wedding's in just over a month." He looked down at me, contentedness radiating from his eyes. "Remember when you kept telling me it would never happen? That we would never be more than friends?" He laughed, and an older man with graying hair in the booth across from us turned to stare.

Crimson crept up my neck and bled into my cheeks. I wasn't embarrassed by Jake's raucous laughter, but by my complete lack of self-awareness. How had I been so ignorant to my own feelings? Jake had even known, but then again, sometimes I swore he knew me better than I knew myself.

"Remember what I said to you?" he asked, still smiling widely, but finished teasing me.

I exhaled deeply and closed my eyes.

"Of course," I whispered. "You said, 'Bella. I love you. I can make you happy. And one day you will see just as I do, that we were created to love one another."

He swept a strand of brown hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear gently. I could never get over the way he looked like he could crush a Redwood with one fist but was always so tender with me.

"Exactly. And the day you finally understood was the greatest day of my life…so far," he said grinning as he pulled me closer into him. I tilted my face up to his and saw the intensity in his eyes. He leaned down and brushed his lips against my forehead, breathing me in deeply before he pulled away.

His fish fry and my veggie burger appeared suddenly before us. We were here so often we didn't even have to order anymore.

"Thanks Lynn," he said as he turned towards the waitress with his arm still gently gripping my shoulder.

"No problem guys. Enjoy." she said while placing our straws on the table.

Jacob slid his arm from around me and grabbed his fork and began eating. I just stared at him lost in the memories we had just discussed, the ones I simultaneously loved and abhorred.

* * *

Even months after Edward left and I had begun to emerge from my zombie-like existence with the help of Angela and Jessica, I was incapable of being alone with a guy, outside of Charlie of course. I was terrified they would touch me, even innocently, and either I would fall apart, guilt eating me from the inside out, or throw myself at them hoping to fill the void left in my life from Edward's departure. I rationalized it would be best to just stay away from guys, even Jacob whom I had never had a romantic interest in before, until I was in a little more control of myself.

But Jake kept calling. He kept stopping by to "check in on Charlie" or to bring Billy, his father, over to watch a game on our flat screen. Each time he came around he brought something small, no grand tokens like Edward loved to shower me with- diamonds, expensive dinners, or originally written lullabies performed by the local symphony.

I shuddered remembering the last of these. As much as I loved my lullaby then, the extravagance was a bit intimidating. How could one seventeen year old girl live up to that?

Jacob on the other hand, brought me wildflowers, a handmade dream catcher, and an old tattered book about cars he'd used to rebuild his Rabbit. He wasn't ostentatious with his offerings, and they weren't a blatant attempt to woo me. When I finally agreed to come downstairs during one of his visits we sat at the kitchen table (I was comfortable as long as it lay in between us), ate microwavable meals, and laughed at the grunts our fathers made while watching hockey, I could see in his eyes that he cared about me. And little by little over time, I began to care about him too.

There was something different about our friendship, different than the relationship I'd had with Edward, or with Jessica and Angela. Different even, than my friendship with Eric and Mike. The later two always expected something from me. They always pushed me to forget about Edward and date them no matter how many times I ducked, dodged or outright rejected their offers. I knew Jacob wanted more than just friendship with me, but he only told me once after months of blissful friendliness and then left it hanging there. I could either grab it or not, either way it was mine and he wouldn't speak of it again until I wanted to. We were swimming at La Push and he was attempting to teach me to body board. After three hours we _finally_ realized the effort was unsuccessful.

When I fell off the last time we almost drown from laughing so hard- I had somehow ended up being thrown three feet in the air when I had been laying flat on the board and landed, disgracefully, face first. I crawled back into a sitting position on the board and faced him. Jacob placed his palm to my red cheek once we'd finally stopped laughing and told me he loved me. His face was serious, thoughtful, his lips turning down just slightly while his black eyebrows pinched inwards. I knew he meant it. He loved me the way that Charlie had loved Renee, quietly, but passionately, and without a second of hesitation. He didn't let it get bogged down with fancy words or grand gestures. Just "I love you" and "I can make you happy."

He didn't attempt to kiss me after he said it. He just smiled and began towing me back to the beach, absolute confidence in our future rolling off his body in waves. I sat, stunned, not even feeling the sunburn forming on my shoulders any longer.

It was a two weeks before I spoke to him again. I kept repeating his words over and over again, letting the roll around in my head. "…_One day you will see just as I do, that we were created to love one another." _I was so confused_. _How could he be so sure of such things? Did he know something I didn't? By then it had been over a year since Edward left. My bed had been cold for so long, (though I suppose it was always cold?) my arms empty, my heart lifeless. As determined as I'd been to wallow in the shadow of my former life and the monster that destroyed it for the rest of my miserable life, Jacob's confession was like a giant hand tapping me on the shoulder to remind me that no, in fact, I couldn't live this way forever. After all, if Edward was going to return, he would have done it by now, wouldn't he?

I took the two weeks away from him to really imagine how my life could be with Jacob. The more I thought about it the more I was resigned to the fact that I wanted to be happy. I wasn't sure if it was possible to fall in love again, but I realized I was ready to try.

While I was piecing this together, Charlie came home from fishing.

"Hey Bells," he yelled up the stairs.

"Hi Dad. How was fishing? Catch anything other than a mild hangover?"

"Nah, but I got lucky last time so the freezer's still full- don't you worry 'bout that."

At that he winked at me and took his tan fishing vest off to hang on the coat rack.

"I saw Jacob, by the way."

My heart froze. Shit, Billy probably told him everything.

"Uh, really?" I turned from him in an attempt to hide my burning cheeks.

"Yeah. I had a flat tire and it turned out he had a spare just about the same size as the other three on the cruiser. He changed it for me in less than ten minutes. Kid's a mechanical genius."

Charlie ran a hand through his hair and I unconsciously mimicked him.

"Well, duh. You knew that. He's been changing tires since he was strong enough to lift one and that was pretty young. Soooo, that's it?"

_That couldn't be it._

"Yup. Billy asked how you were doing though. I told him you were getting better each day. He told me if he ever saw that damned Cullen boy around again he'd run him over with his wheelchair." Charlie laughed loudly and then seeing my cringing face, he straightened out again.

"Jake looked up from the car at that and told us Edward wasn't a bad guy and that you just needed some time to work through everything. Can you believe that? I thought Jacob hated Edward."

"Me too," I said, stunned not only by the story, but by the sheer volume of words Charlie used. I'd never heard him say so much in all my life. I supposed six hours of quiet fishing would do that to even the most vocally challenged individuals.

"I'm going to go to bed early tonight. See you tomorrow Dad," I whispered while I began to climb the stairs.

I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I thought about Edward and how I had known I loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him. It was romantic love instantly. Passionate, all-consuming, and for whatever reason, it despite that, or maybe because of that, it had burned out for him. My thoughts turned towards Mike and Jessica, a perfect example of unrequited love. Tyler and Tanya were still in the first stages of flirting. And then there was Ben and Angela. They had been great friends for years before trying anything romantic. When they finally did, Angela said it was like turning a light on. She could see clearly all of the sudden. She told me Ben had whispered into her ear, "Love is friendship set on fire" before kissing her for the first time.

I imagined Jacob in the water when he told me he loved me. I recalled the salt drying on his nose, the sun shining off of his glistening shoulders, and the happiness I felt at being near him. He was my own personal sun, warming me with the brightness of his soul.

_Click._

Oh my god.

I grabbed my keys and bolted out of the bedroom door, bounding down the stairs three at a time, and yelling over my shoulder to Charlie.

"Dad, I forgot to tell Jake something. I'll be back soon!"

I heard him mumble, "Why can't you be like a normal kid and just text message him?"

This was NOT something I could say in any form other than in person, but Charlie didn't need to know that.

I was half way to LaPush before I realized I had left so fast I'd forgotten to change out of my pajamas, let alone grab shoes. I felt a blush slink up my cheeks as I inventoried my outfit. I had on light blue boxer shorts and a white tank top… that was it. I wasn't even wearing socks. To make matters worse, my hair was still damp and beginning to become wavy from air drying. Good think Charlie was glued to the TV or he would have had a conniption at me leaving like this. I would have turned around and attempted to look halfway decent had I been carrying any other epic realization to any other person. But it was Jake and I knew he wouldn't care if I was in my pajamas or in a giant dinosaur outfit.

I screeched to a halt in front of the tiny Black house and slammed my door closed. Before I could even reach the porch the screen door opened and Jacob stood under the porch light rubbing his eyes.

"Bella?" he asked, obviously confused at my random appearance so late at night.

I stopped and looked at him and for the first time I felt like I could really see him. I inhaled sharply.

"You.. are so… _beautiful."_ I whispered quietly.

He was wearing green gym shorts without a shirt on and shoeless as well, clearly prepared for bed also. His shaggy black hair almost reached his broad, well-defined shoulders. His chest and biceps bulged, and the porch light accentuated his already impeccable abs. How had I never noticed this incredible man in front of me before?

"What? Thanks… I guess. Bella. Come inside, it's chilly and… are you in boxer shorts?"

"No, not yet. And yes, but I'm not cold." I hoped he understood me.

"Okay. What's the matter though, you look… a little crazy." He feigned a smile at the last word and it helped to calm me down a bit.

"Jacob."

"Yes…"

"I love that you never make fun of my car…"

"Ummmm…"

"…I love that no matter where we are, if 'Brown Eyed Girl' comes on, you always grab my hand, and sing it to me."

"Bella.. I.."

"Wait. Let me finish. I love that you always call me out on my bullshit, but then give me the benefit of the doubt. I love how you never get a sunburn while we're surfing but tell me you're tired and ready to go in because you know I'm embarrassed of being pigment challenged. I love how your eyes do this little twinkle thing when you talk about cars, and how proud you are to be a Quileute. I love how you push your father everywhere in his wheelchair and never complain."

I closed the remaining space between us and stopped just shy of him.

"I love how easy it is for me to believe you would never hurt me."

"_I would never_," he breathed as he cupped my cheek in his large warm hand.

I looked into his eyes and took his hand from my face and placed it over my heart.

"I love you Jacob Black for all these reasons and for all of the ones I have yet to discover."

He closed his eyes and sighed loudly, while simultaneously wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me towards him. My arms flew around his neck and our lips met forcefully, each lip dancing in rhythm to its counter. My tongue urged his lips apart and he pressed his lips back against mine. The force of my intensity had pushed him against the side of the house. I heard a little moan growing in his throat and felt a flicker of heat raise through my core and forced his huge body harder against the wall.

He pulled his lips from me and placed both hands on my cheeks, rubbing his thumbs in circles. Our foreheads rested on one another and I gasped for breath allowing myself to be calmed by his hands.

"Bella. I have loved you since you were six and stole my red convertible Matchbox from me in my own turtle sandbox."

I tried so hard to keep a straight face, but it was pointless and I giggled, euphoric from his kiss.

I pulled his chest close to me and said, "What can I say, I had good taste in cars even then."


	3. Realizing

A/N: Yeah, I forgot to say that Twilight and all of its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

PS: There is some wolfy lemonade coming up, **so if you are too young to be reading this sort of thing I'd advise you to** **please either skip this chapter or find yourself a new fic**!

PPS: Thanks for everyone (all three of you) who reviewed the last chapter. I seriously am loving the fact that you took the time to not only read it, but tell me what you are thinking about it. This is my first story so thanks for hanging in there with me while I explore this new world!

PPPS: Thanks to HaileyandJacobBlack and Jennedie84 for Beta-ing the heck outta this chapter

* * *

Eventually I managed to come to my senses and finish my veggie burger.

Jacob had been done for close to fifteen minutes and even though he was used to me taking a while to finish my meals, I knew he was aching to leave and watch the end of the game on TV with Billy and Charlie. I took a final bite of my French fry as Jacob paid the bill and thanked Lynn for the excellent service as usual.

"Ready to go?" he asked, standing beside the table holding his hand open for me to take.

"Yup. Let's get you to my house before the game finishes and you turn into a pumpkin," I said as I whipped my hips around the table and stood, grabbing Jacob's hand.

I headed straight to my room after saying a quick hello to Billy and Charlie and kissing Jake goodnight. As much as I loved spending time with the guys, I'd rather do calculus homework than listen to their testosterone fueled complaints as their favorite team lost, yet again.

I knew Jake understood as I had three of my four classes on Monday, bright and early and with my shopping trip planned for tomorrow and our weekly family dinner on Sunday with both Charlie and Billy- there was no way I would have time to do homework this weekend. At least I didn't have to squeeze working into my cramped schedule.

I'd quit working at Newton's when Jake and I got engaged. I'd needed extra money to set aside for the wedding because, regardless of whatever delusions Charlie was having, he was not taking money from his retirement account and paying for my wedding, and Mrs. Newton couldn't offer me enough hours. Mike relentlessly hounding me for a date after Edward left idn't make the choice very difficult. He had been with Jessica for a few months at that point and it was incredibly skeezy of him to think he could get away with cheating on her. And even more skeezy that he thought I would partake in the backstabbing of my best friend.

One day, he'd cornered me in the stock room and placed his hand against the wall making it difficult to get around him easily. I'd put my hand on his chest to gently push him away but he'd somehow misconstrued it to think that I was interested in his advances. He'd quickly leaned in and captured my lips against his. It was a brief kiss, it seemed he'd been testing the waters before fully committing and I stood there dazed. Mike had a bad habit of flirting, but he had never been this forceful before.

"I've wanted you for so long now Bella," he whispered leaning in again before the loud _thwack! _my palm made against his face straightened him back out. His eyes watered as he gaped at me, my hand still stinging from our transaction.

"NOT okay, Mike." I'd said before pushing past him and rushing out of the store.

Several missed days of work later, I heard a knock at the front door. When I opened it up I saw Mike, hands shoved deeply into his pockets, blonde hair damp with the rain and head tilted down so I couldn't see his eyes. Jessica stood behind him, both hands on her hips with her mouth drawn into a tight line.

"Hi Bella," she said in an unenthusiastic tone, "Mike wanted to come over to say something to you, didn't you Mike." She poked him roughly in the back forcing him to sway forward slightly before raising his head.

"I'm a disrespectful asshole and I'm really sorry for the way I behaved," he said robotically, Jessica pantomiming him simultaneously.

I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and cleared my throat to buy some time while I figured out what the hell was happening. "Umm. Okay. I accept your apology?" I was so confused I didn't know what else to say. I hadn't expected his apology, at least not while his girlfriend stood behind him forcing it out of him.

Jessica looked up at me, anger and hurt still etched in her face. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"You're asking _me_ if _I'm_ okay? I'm… fine. I'm sorry I slapped you so hard Mike and I don't think you're an asshole. I forgive you. But you do it again and I will sic Charlie on you, and not just for me- for Jessica. I'm not joking." I said seriously.

Mike seemed to relax a bit and nodded minutely, letting me know he understood. They turned to leave before Jessica turned back around to face me.

"Are _you_ okay, Jessica?" I had to ask.

She dropped her hand from her hip and half-smiled at me before saying, "I'll be fine, but this motherfucker has a lot of ass kissing in his near future. I'm thinking- yard work, letting my little brother kick his ass in basketball, and jewelry. Yup…" she said, raising her small hand up to her collarbone and tapping the empty spot wistfully. "I could use a new necklace," she concluded.

I wrapped an arm around her and couldn't help but laugh at the twinkle in her eye. Mike was in some serious trouble.

"Make sure it's real gold, and _real _expensive," I added jokingly before letting her go.

Mike had kept his promise and I was incredibly happy his mistake hadn't cost him Jessica because once he got his act together and made it up to her, they turned out to be perfect for each other. And he eventually turned into a pretty decent friend to me too.

The upside to quitting Newton's was that I found a job working at a local wild animal rehabilitation center not too far from Charlie's. For once, Charlie being a cop came in handy as his friend ran the center and he'd put a good word in for me. Being the Sheriff apparently makes you a pretty decent character witness. The only bad thing about the job was that it ate up a lot of my free time.

Jake on the other hand graduated from the Quileute high school a little early and at the moment was working part time as a sort of apprentice mechanic until he was certified. It wasn't much but it helped supplement Billy's disability checks, and put a little extra into the wedding pot. I had no idea what he did with his free time to be honest. He seemed to spend a lot of time in the woods of the reservation with his friends when he wasn't working. But I wasn't around much on the week days so I didn't really know.

* * *

An hour after getting home from dinner with Jake, I had already done homework, showered, dressed in my most comfortable pajamas, turned off the lights and crawled into bed. I was determined to be fully prepared for the torture of dress shopping I planned with Jessica tomorrow, but secretly plotting all the ways I might possibly be able to cut the afternoon short. Jessica planned on five hours of shopping. _FIVE_. If I added all of the time I'd shopped in my entire life I was certain it wouldn't add up to five hours (if you didn't include the several occasions Alice had physically dragged me with her). I could probably get us in and out in two hours- max.

Just as I was starting to doze off I heard the handle to my door turn slowly.

"Babe, are you awake?" I heard Jake whisper.

I turned over, genuinely surprised by his voice. "Yeah, Jake. I was just falling asleep, but I'm awake."

He entered, and closed the door behind him, crossing the room to my bed in a heartbeat. I lifted the blankets beside me holding them up and invited him under. He slipped next to me and immediately slid his left arm underneath me, pulling me gently against him. I could feel his heat through my tank top and boxers as the line between our bodies became blurred. I smelled his earthy, masculine scent. My heart sped up and skipped a beat as his right hand came to rest on my neck. He inhaled deeply as he rested his cheek against the top of my head and our legs intertwined. As excited as I was at having Jake in my bed, even at twenty years old, I was nervous Charlie might be offended, so I lifted my head in an effort to keep myself from getting too comfortable.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Our team lost," he answered glumly.

"Duh, they're like, last in the nation or something, right?" I joked.

"What? No! Of course not, I mean… yeah, they're like second to last. Or at least, they _were_…" He laughed quietly and stroked my cheek soothingly.

I enjoyed the silence but was still curious why I had the pleasure of his company in my bed tonight.

"But seriously, what's up. I mean, why are you sneaking into my room?" I implored, pulling him closer to me just to make sure he understood I wasn't unhappy he was here.

He pushed on my hips, wanting me to face away from him. I turned and curled into the fetal position as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair, bending his knees until he was spooning me.

"There, I can get closer to you this way. Mmmm." And close he was, encompassing me in his arms and legs, threatening to swallow me with his adoration.

He gently swept my hair away from my neck and kissed my skin, letting his lips linger for a few moments before finally answering my question.

"I was just, kinda worried about you today. You seem so...distant. Is everything okay? I mean, you can tell me if you're getting cold feet. I promise I'll understand." He whispered each word, rushing to finish. Even in the dark I could tell he was frowning, his voice betraying his fear at my potential answer. I hated making him feel this way. I was certain I had succeeded in hiding my insecurities from him better, but apparently I was mistaken.

"No cold feet. Well, they _were_ a little chilly, but now you're here and I don't have to worry about that anymore," I said as I placed my feet against his legs.

"Ahhh! Cold! Bella!" He yelped. "I should call you Popsicle Toes from now on. Is this what I get to look forward to every night I crawl into bed with you?" He picked his head up and kissed my cheek, but didn't pull away from my cold feet, instead lifting his right leg so that my feet now lay snuggly between both of his warm calves.

I giggled and pressed my back further against his chest. After a few moments I knew he wasn't satisfied with my answer and I tentatively asked, "If I tell you something, will you promise not to get mad?" God, I was such a child sometimes.

As if on cue he laughingly said, "You sound like such a kid when you say that. _Of course_. Now tell me."

I exhaled slowly. I couldn't believe I was thinking of telling him. Would it ruin his happiness about the wedding? Would he see me differently?

_God, would he leave me?_

These questions weighed heavily on my mind and Jacob waited patiently for me to speak. I had to be honest. If he loved me without knowing all of the dirty, ugly, shameful parts, then, maybe he didn't _really_ love me. I needed to know either way. I had to know if he was fully aware of what he was getting himself into. The words tumbled out of my mouth in a haze of urgency.

"I love you. I want to marry you …but this whole planning thing just, brings up bad memories for me. It's been a little difficult. And I don't want to make you feel bad or take anything away from this… _our _wedding, but I just don't know if I can do it by myself anymore. I can't keep pretending I'm not feeling these things. It's too much. I'm terrified if I tell you I'm thinking these things, you'll be upset with me. You'll think I don't love you when that is definitely not the case…" I closed my eyes at the last word and squeezed them shut tightly, now finding that I was the one afraid of his answers. I was sure I hadn't made any sense whatsoever. Maybe if I was lucky he would just forget I said anything to begin with.

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me lightly on my head.

"Bella. I never expected you to just… _forget_ about him. You loved him, there's probably part of you that will always love him. Because that's what you're talking about, right? _Him_? Edward Cullen?" he asked.

I nodded a small stiff nod in affirmation.

He continued saying, "I figured this would come up, honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to mention it. It's okay that you are still figuring a few things out. I mean, I'm sure you probably always thought you were going to marry him and even thought you were going to be spending the rest of your life with him." He stopped, lifting his chin a bit and clearing his throat.

A pain ripped through my stomach at the thought of those words coming from Jake's mouth. I didn't want to think about that. About how true it was, and how it must make Jacob feel to know I had wanted someone else so much I would have willingly chosen death if it meant I could be with him.

"It, uh…" he paused, sighing sadly, "…sucks for me to think about that, but you don't have to be afraid to talk to me about it. I am always here for you. In fact, this is when I need to be here_ most _for you. I want your shadows too, ya know. Those places sometimes even you're afraid to go to yourself."

_Wow. He does know what he's getting into._

We lay like that for several minutes, absorbing the gravity of the moment, breathing one another in.

"Jake," I finally broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Does Charlie know you're up here?"

"Of course, he asked me to stay because he got a call and had to go into the station and wasn't sure how long he'd be gone. He dropped my dad off at home on the way in," he said matter-of-factly.

"You mean we're here by ourselves?" I asked, my high pitch unabashedly giving away my sudden excitement.

Since Jake and I had gotten engaged Charlie had no problem with the amount of time we spent together, even offering to let Jake spend the night sometimes. As tempted as we had both been, we'd mutually decided to make it easier on ourselves and remain at separate houses at night. It had always felt weird kissing Jake in front of Charlie or Billy, and the thought of doing more with Charlie just a room away was too unappetizing to go through with- no matter how tempting it was to be near Jake that way.

He laughed at the eagerness in my voice. "Yes. It's just the two of us for at least a few hours. I can go downstairs if you'd like though." He made to lift the covers off of him but I instantly threw my hand backwards and pulled them over him again.

"No! … I mean, stay. Please?" Opening up to Jake about Edward seemed to take a huge weight off of my shoulders. Knowing he loved me, even in my neurotic state, made my passion and certainty of him grow exponentially.

"Yes ma'am." He whispered in my ear and I felt his smile form against my cheek.

I turned my body to face him and took his strong jaw between my hands and pulled him to meet my lips. Our mouths met and all of my uncertainties slipped out of the window and into the early spring air. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and then opened my lips further, tilting my head to the side as his hand swept up to the back of my head, entangling my long damp hair between his fingers. Our tongues touched and danced in and out of one another's mouth as my legs curled further up his, caressing him gently with my feet until we were knotted around one another like two branches of a century old tree. His neck lie in the crook of my arm and his free hand climbed up my back under my tank top, resting the bottom of his arm fully against my skin and pulling me even closer as our kiss deepened.


	4. Fighting

6

Twilight and all of its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

A/N: There is some wolfy lemonade in this chapter, **so if you are too young to be reading this sort of thing I'd advise you to** **please either skip this chapter or find yourself a new fic**!

So I am hoping to update this at least once a week- if I do it more often than that I likely split up a really long chapter- like I did with the last two. And I'm not sure how many chapters it's going to take to tell the story but I have a feeling we're in for a decent amount I'm enjoying writing this too much to quit anytime soon!

Thanks so much for reading and I would really appreciate some reviews. Not only do they keep me motivated but they give me another reason to keep improving.

** Thanks to HaileyandJacobBlack and Jennedie84 for having eyes so sharp even hawks would be envious.

* * *

My body reacted to our close proximity with a quiver as Jake's hand moved back down my back and grabbed my ass grinding me against him. I gasped for a breath and he pulled back an inch.

"We should probably stop, huh?" his voice was wavering, coming out between pants.

Normally I would have said yes, but tonight was a definite no.

"I can't explain it but I need to be close to you right now." I kissed his cheek, urging him to continue.

It was true. For the first time in my life I felt like my love for someone was so infinite, so insatiable that if it were possible, I would crawl inside of them and curl up chin to knees. I just couldn't get close enough, and the feeling was terrifying and elating all at once. I would show him how much I loved him and do it in a way that just speaking three over-used and under-qualified words could never do.

I slowly sat up in bed and pulled the covers off of me. I grabbed his hand and we both stood up beside the bed, still blanketed by the night. I reached for the bottom of his t-shirt and with one last look up into his face, I began slowly lifting it. I kissed each inch of his solid stomach and muscular chest, neck and face that his t-shirt revealed. His breaths were coming at a quicker pace. I could feel his heart pounding against my lips and then against my chest. It felt good to know he wanted me just as badly as I wanted him.

"Bella… are you sure… I thought… you wanted to wait. You know, at least until… the honeymoon," he asked.

It was true that the furthest Jake and I had ever been was between first and second base. It wasn't for lack of trying- it just never seemed to happen the way I wanted it to. Somewhere between kissing and copping a feel I would locate that pit of despair I knew was hiding in my stomach ready to swallow my soul if I continued. It had disappeared when Jacob had proposed, allowing me to realize the pit's obvious connection to my fear of being completely shattered again. But naturally, the moment it disappeared somehow Jake and I never found a second alone that was right and eventually I resigned myself to assuming we would wait until the wedding night.

Making love to Jacob tonight was going to be a huge leap, and while the idea of waiting until the wedding night was traditionally romantic, I was never bound to the idea. I knew I loved Jacob. I knew he loved me back. We had made a commitment, what was the use in waiting?

I decided to show him I was certain. I pulled away from him and lifted my tank top over my head, dropping it on the floor next to our feet.

I didn't have a bra on and was momentarily stunned by my forwardness. He had never even seen me in a bra before, and now… now he could see all the goods. Just as I began feeling self-conscious and covered my breasts with my hands, I heard him gulp loudly and whisper, "No, please. I want to look at you," before he ran his hand gently down the length of my arm and his other hand swept the hair from my eyes. His finger ran back up to my chin where it tilted my burning cheeks upwards to face him.

I dropped my hands to my side.

"I have never, in all of my life, seen something more beautiful than you right now. Being with you this way is something I have dreamt of for so long, and I promise you," he said grinning, but remaining serious, "this image is all I will ever dream about from this moment on."

I reached up on my toes and brought my face to his ear and began kissing his earlobe slowly, using every ounce of seduction I had in me, which was very limited. How could I have ever doubted his reaction to my brazenness?

"I want to show you how much I love you," I said still holding his face next to mine.

With that he knelt down and wrapped his arms around my thighs pulling me up to his waist. I wrapped my legs around him and felt his desire for me between our bodies. He carried me to the wall and pressed my back against it. I leaned back allow Jacob access to all the places I so dearly wanted him to taste. He kissed my neck, my collar bone, and between my breasts. One by one he kissed my breasts, before taking my nipple into his mouth and moving his tongue hurriedly across it. I wrapped my fingers into his black hair completely unaware of how roughly I was pulling on it. He didn't seem to mind as he moaned loudly and thrust his hips against me causing a verbal reaction of my own.

"God, Jake. Don't stop." I begged, my voice low and pleading.

He removed his mouth from my body and looked into my face.

Jacob ripped me from the wall walking carefully towards the bed.

He let me down gently on the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed. His finger trailing down my stomach before wrapping his arms around my back and pulling me to him. His lips met the skin just above my navel as his hands slid around to grab each of my hips, his thumbs rubbing in soft circles, calming my nerves, the best way he knew how.

He looked into my eyes and mouthed the words, 'I love you' one last time before slowly, inching his fingers around my waistband and pulling the boxer shorts I was wearing down my legs. I thought that when the day came that this would happen, I would be freaking out at this point, wondering if my insecurities would make it impossible to enjoy myself. But I wasn't freaking out. I was savoring every touch, loving the way Jake's eyes lingered over my body.

Once my shorts made contact with the floor I lifted my right foot and then my left as he slid them off of my toes placing my feet lightly back on the floor, handling me delicately and showing me he knew how important this moment was.

His hands ran back up the outside of my legs caressing my calves, my knees, my thighs, around to my ass and back to my hips. My head tilted back until I felt my hair tickle the small of my back and I groaned lightly, my eyes closed and my hands moved from his shoulders up into his hair. He leaned forward until his forehead met my stomach. I was instantly so blissful, so peaceful in this moment that I felt as if I had left my body and was floating above it, watching it unfold beneath me in the hopes that I could keep it close to me, cemented in my mind forever.

And then it happened.

Edward's face appeared in my mind- bringing me crashing back to Earth, heavy with guilt and fear. His pale face was fraught with disappointment and sadness. His jaw taught and square. He was just as I remembered him on the day he left. And before I even had a moment to really comprehend what was happening, he was gone.

Jacob felt me stiffen, my head swinging straight again, and my breath unable to escape my lungs.

"Bella?" he whispered, concern lacing his tone. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

I exhaled a loud, broken sigh, shaking my head vehemently. I felt my chest rise with heated anger.

_How dare Edward fuck with my mind like this! How dare I allow myself to be fucked with like this? He has no right. Fuck him._

I just needed Jake to make me forget. I needed to numb that part of me again and let him envelope me in his love. Jacob was real, not a monster or a ghost that would leave me frightened and alone.

I quickly knelt down in front of him and pushed his chest back so that he was leaning back on his hands on the bed.

"Whoa there, crazy. We don't have to rush anything, ya' know" Jake assured me.

I ignored him while reaching for the button of his pants and attempted to extricate them from him as smoothly as he had mine. I was shaking, unable to keep my hands from slipping from the metal and flustered that I couldn't do something as simple as undress my fiancé correctly. After what must have been two or three minutes, I dropped my hands in defeat tears threatening to burst from my eyes.

"DAMNIT! What the hell is wrong with me? I can't do anything right." I pulled my hands up to my head, gripping my hair on either side of my face and sat down on the floor at Jake's feet.

He immediately slithered down the bed and sat next to me resting his hands over mine.

"Shhh, shhh. Bella, honey. It's just a button. It's not a big deal, I promise" he whispered soothingly in my ear.

But it _wasn't_ just a button, that button was a symbol for all of the things I wanted but couldn't get. Everything that should be easy but was agonizing instead. An angry tear ran down my cheek and I swatted it away hoping Jake hadn't noticed. Unfortunately I wasn't fast enough.

"Ah, Bella. Come here." He wrapped his arms around me pulling me to his chest and stretching his legs out in front of him. "Don't cry. This was supposed to be happy. I didn't mean to pressure you into anything. We can wait, I honestly don't mind. In fact, I think it will make it that much more special, ya know?"

His compassion only served to make me cry harder. I didn't deserve him. The very fact that I was sitting on the floor crying because of an ex-boyfriend from two years ago, when only moments ago I had been so certain I was ready to make love to Jake proved that point. And the nicer he was to me, the angrier I seemed to get.

"Jacob. This has nothing to do with you, I swear. You are perfect. This is all me." I said in an attempt to assuage his guilt.

"How could this have nothing to do with me? It was just you and I here together." He was angrier now. Unwilling to let me take it all on myself the way I deserved.

"Bella, you still don't get it. We are a 'we' now, an 'us'. Let me be here for you. You just said you couldn't do it by yourself. Talk to me." He began rubbing large circles on my back with his hands, shushing me quietly.

After several minutes my sobs turned to sniffles eventually spacing out far enough for me to relax fully in his arms. Noticing I had calmed down, he slid one arm under my legs and the other around my back lifting me gently and placing me onto the bed in a sitting position. He grabbed my shirt from the ground turning it right-side out and lifting my arms over my head like a drowsy four year old before pulling it gently over my head and down my stomach. He grabbed my shorts and lifted each foot through the leg holes before helping me to stand and pulling them up until they sat neatly upon my hips. I shifted around and he pulled the covers up over my legs and tucked me in, kissing my forehead before grabbing his shirt and turning to leave.

"I love you, Bella." He said over his shoulder, and closed the door.

"Jake!" I cried out. "Jake, WAIT!" It was loud enough to know he heard me, but the door remained closed.

Enough time passed that I wondered if he was purposefully ignoring me, but finally the handle turned and he popped his head in, saying nothing.

"Could you, I mean, would you mind, holding me? I mean, at least until I fall asleep?" I was prepared to beg if I needed to.

"Sure." Was all he said before climbing back into bed beside me and gathering me in his arms. Upon feeling his warmth I was almost tempted to pick up where we left off, but I was smart enough to recognized the moment has passed, and too terrified I would ruin it for a second time in the same night. So I lay there, curled into Jacob and listened to his breathing slow steadily until finally a gentle snore began to build in his chest and I was assured he was asleep.

"I'm sorry. I swear to God I'll figure this out before the wedding Jake. I won't be like this forever," I whispered. I realized then that I may not have deserved Jacob, but I'd be damned if Edward Cullen spent one more day taking away even an ounce of joy from my life. I would fight till the death for Jacob if I had to.

The only thing left was to figure out _who_ I was fighting against.


	5. Finding

A/N: Twilight and all of its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Sorry for the delay in posting. The semester is winding down and it's becoming much more difficult to find time to post. Luckily I've already written the next chapter though so another post should be here soon as a reward for your patience!

Bella's dress is on my profile for those of you interested.

* * *

I woke up alone that morning, rolling onto my back hoping Jake would be behind me, but I knew without looking he wasn't; I was too cold. I lay there for a moment, opening and closing my legs as if I were a child making a snow angel and thinking about last night.

We had been so close to… Jake had me against the wall. My legs were wrapped around his waist. I was practically vibrating just thinking about how hot it had been. How his wide shoulders and thick arms had held me up like I weighed nothing. His hands roaming my body and the way he looked so adoringly at me, like he had been waiting for that moment for the entirety of his young life. It made me confident in my decision to trust him so fully with my body.

I wanted a do-over, damnit.

After allowing myself several minutes to slow my now heightened breathing, and drain the blush from my cheeks I finally sat up in bed and ran a hand through my hair and down over my face, pulling the sleep from my eyes. I was still exhausted, the emotional weight I accrued from the night before had seemed to drain me in a way that one night of sound sleeping could not undo. I turned my head once again to stare at the spot where Jake had fallen asleep last night and sighed. As exhausted as I was, there was no way I would be going back to sleep without him.

I pulled my old raggedy robe over my shoulders covering my shorts and tank top. It helped to warm me up a bit, but also made the possibility of running into Charlie slightly less embarrassing. I'd only had to forgo the robe once and the humiliation of watching Charlie squirm uncomfortably after running into me in the hallway wearing a practically see-through white tank top had been enough to scare the bejesus out of both of us. He set his alarm five minutes earlier and I never left the room in my pajamas without coverage.

As I walked down the stairs I heard Charlie's strong deep laughter followed quickly by a loud slap and a sort of muted patting. Rounding the corner I saw Jacob sitting on the couch next to Charlie, a book spread out across both of their laps. Charlie's hand was still resting on Jacob's back as they both grinned at one another before turning their attention back to the book. I stopped, smiling to myself, excited at the moment of male bonding occurring in my living room. It seemed so Norman Rockwell-ian, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred last night.

It was a big deal, Charlie bonding with Jake. He'd always loved him but after Edward left I felt certain Charlie would never let another male within a five hundred foot radius of me, let alone give him the opportunity to warm up to him. And while Charlie had assumed Jake was romantically interested in me, and as he later told me he'd been "rootin' for the kid," he figured I would always see Jake as just a friend. In either case, I loved that the two of them got along like old buddies now.

My stomach growled and I took another step towards the two of them before I caught the end of Charlie's comment and felt compelled to do a bit of eavesdropping.

"… your dad and your mom were like that."

Jake shook his head up and down still staring at the book on his lap and both still ignorant to my location.

"Yeah, I guess they were. I grew up hearing stories about how the Quileute men know the woman they're going to marry the moment they lay eyes on her. It's like, a trait of 'our people,'" Jacob said, using air quotes to emphasize the 'our people'. He was still smiling but seemingly more contemplative now.

"And Bella?" Charlie asked, causing me to blush again. I could have announced my arrival and saved myself and both Charlie and Jacob a lot of unnecessary embarrassment but I was interested in knowing what his answer might be, so my feet stayed planted firmly on the wooden floors while Jake continued.

"Well… not exactly. The way the legends talk about it, I don't know. They make it very science fiction-y-ish. I knew I loved Bella, I knew I wanted her to be the one I would marry. But the first time I laid eyes on her we were so little and she was terrorizing me with a stick, chasing me around the beach. Her hair was all wet and salty and looking back know, I am convinced the image of her chasing me is forever going to be linked to Medusa. We didn't have a chance at falling in love under those circumstances." He laughed.

Charlie joined in laughing before pointing to the book again and adding, "But even in this. Well, maybe it's just me but…" Charlie said.

"No, it's not just you. I see it too." Jacob was almost whispering now.

I decided to make myself known at that, clearing my throat and stepping down on every creaky board I knew of in an effort to get their attention. Immediately I wished I hadn't. My smile turned into a grimace once I realized what they were bonding over.

_Childhood pictures. _MY _childhood pictures._

"Really? Really, Dad? I mean, it's not even nine am and you've already managed to undoubtedly ruin my morning by showing Jake pictures of me naked in a bathtub at the age of two. He'll never want to marry me now and I'll be living with you for the rest of your life. Is that what you want, Dad?" I griped, obviously joking, but still uncomfortable with the picture sharing. I continued shuffling through the living room until I was finally facing both of them head on.

"Good morning to you too, Sunshine. And yes, I would love nothing more than to wake up to that chipper attitude every morning, "Charlie said sarcastically. "We were actually looking at Jacob's favorite picture here." He pointed once more to the page, yellowed with age and then turned the book to face me.

"Don't worry, you're not naked. And besides, I've already seen all of these pictures a hundred times before," Jake added, winking as he caught my eye.

I looked down and realized it was my favorite picture as well. I was six. Long brown pig tails hung from each side of my head and I sat in my bright red Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls, shirtless and shoeless holding one handful of mud in my tiny left hand, and looking at a very tanned little boy with shaggy black hair. He was shirtless and wore little blue shorts, covered with mud. In fact, he had mud on his nose, in his hair, and had what appeared to be a muddy handprint over his heart. I was holding his hand and we were laughing so hard that just the sight of our smiles made my stomach ache with longing for times when a little bit of mud was enough to make the rest of the world disappear.

Jacob reached his hand out and hooked his pinky finger with mine, bouncing our hands off of my leg. I shifted my head towards him and our eyes met. His face must have mimicked my own as he wore a quiet smile, seemingly lost simultaneously in memories of simpler times and gratitude at realizing the bond we had even as children. After several seconds, I squeezed his pinky and said, "I love you," keeping our eye contact. He smiled, a genuine smile of joy before standing up and kissing me on the cheek. "I love you too," he whispered.

I had never been this open in front of Charlie before. I had allowed him to see me, devastated, broken, and terrified after Edward left-sure, but only because he wouldn't leave me alone after Sam found me practically comatose on the forest floor. I hadn't wanted Charlie to see me that way, though. Charlie had yet to mention his feelings for Sue Clearwater even though the whole town knew they had been seeing each other for almost a year. It was a Swan thing- we weren't very good at the whole "sharing of emotions" thing. So, today was a big day. I was determined to make things right with Jacob and that started with showing him just how much I loved and appreciated him, even if that meant showing it in front of my emotionally retarded father.

Surprisingly though, Charlie seemed to understand. He stood up, put one hand on Jake's back and one hand on mine, looked into my face and with a slight nod said, "I'm going to Sue's. I think we're going to go on a picnic or something. You two wanna join us?"

"Ummm, thanks for asking but I actually have plans with Jessica to go dress shopping… all day," I said.

"Yeah, and I've got to meet up with Sam, Embry and the other guys this afternoon. Thanks though," Jake replied right after me.

Charlie clapped us on the back twice and looked at me, "Good luck with the, er, wedding dress thing."

"Thanks Dad, tell Sue I said hello. And you should invite her to the next Sunday night dinner," I said, suddenly worrying maybe I had pushed him a bit _too_ far with his newfound openness.

"I might just do that Bells," he trailed over his shoulder as he walked towards the front door.

Jake and I looked at each other again, surprise and pride written all over both of our faces.

"Breakfast?" he asked tilting his head towards the kitchen.

"I would but Jessica's supposed to be here REALLY soon and I still have to get ready. I'll have to grab something on my way out of the door," I said regretfully. I really wanted to stay there with Jake all afternoon, cuddled on the couch full from a giant breakfast.

"Okay. Well, I'd better get out of your way then. See you tonight." With that he kissed me on the forehead, slid on his shoes and headed towards the door. "That picture Bells," he called to me from the foyer, "the smile on your face? It's what I wake up for every day."

I blushed, and put my head down, digging my toe into the carpet before looking back up and granting him my smile. The one I saved just for him. The right side of his lips curled up and he shook his head slightly before his grin widened and he walked out of the door.

Silly me. I had assumed that this afternoon was going to be dedicated to finding a dress for _my _wedding which Jessica had continuously reminded me was "only a few freaking weeks away!" over and over again. I realized this was not the case five seconds after we arrived and found that she had booked two appointments, one for each of us, at the same time.

I wasn't entirely surprised though, and to be honest, I was sort of thankful that the attention wouldn't be entirely on me and my, _ahem_, inadequate ability to fill out a corset top. I tried on what felt like at least fifty-nine dresses before taking a breather. I sat down on one of the shop's dramatic pink satin couches, sipped from a water bottle and watched as Jessica put my bust size to shame as she perfectly filled out each dress she tried on.

"Does this make my nose look big?" she asked as she twirled in front of a mirrored wall.

"How can a dress make your nose look big? You look great. In fact, you look beautiful Jess, seriously. I think that's the one." I nodded at her in an effort to back my claim up.

She agreed, but decided she needed to "check a few more places out first." Then she got dressed and urged me to go back and look for a few more dresses to try on before calling it a day and getting lunch. I grabbed the first three dresses I could find in an effort to appease her while she and the sales woman, Jayne, looked through the dresses as well.

All three of my dresses had been ridiculous, but the forth dress into the new stack was something I believed Jessica must have picked out for me and I begrudgingly turned to face myself in the mirror after allowing Jayne to zip up the back.

My mouth dropped.

It was simple, but still elegant. The dress was white chiffon with a fair baby pink ribbon wrapping around the empire waist line. It was strapless and managed to make me look like I had breasts large enough to hold the dress up. But what I loved the most was that it was light and airy draping itself over my hips and legs. I felt free in this dress, and second only to my pajamas as the most comfortable article of clothing I had ever worn.

I stepped out of the dressing room finally and Jessica, sipping on the complimentary champagne (the one she had lied to Jayne about her age in order to get) looked up and choked. She coughed for the next several minutes before finally saying, "Holy shit Bella- that is IT! I… I can't believe you actually found it. I was beginning to worry, I'm not going to lie. But you look amazing. Jake is going to freak out!"

"You can't imagine how happy I am to hear you say that! And not just because it means I'll never have to go wedding dress shopping again, but because I love it! I'm not a twirling type of girl, you know this, I prefer to sulk. But I am, right this second, trying not to twirl around like a Disney Princess!" I squealed.

She kicked her left foot out and let her head fall over the chair, holding the glass of champagne up in the air and yelled, "Amaze balls! Now buy that bitch and let's get to lunch so I can sober up before driving home."

_Jesus._

She was such a lush, but she was _my _lush, and she had picked out my wedding dress so I just laughed with her and leaned down quickly to snag the keys from her purse while she wasn't looking.

Ninety minutes and two full stomachs later Jessica and I made our way down Main Street towards her car. The weatherman swore it was supposed to be clear this afternoon but much to our chagrin it was overcast and drizzling, not that we were surprised. Thankfully my dress was staying at the shop for the first round of alterations so I was able to maneuver around easier. We bounced from overhang to overhang until we found the metered spot we'd parked in that morning. Naturally, Jessica had forgotten to pump it with quarters before we went to lunch and there was a bright red ticket pressed firmly against her windshield.

"Damnit!" she yelled, slapping both of her hands against her jeans and tilting her head back so she faced the sky. "Why God, why?!"

I laughed at her moment of melodrama and offered to help pay for it as I searched for the keys to the car in my black hole of a purse. Just as I found them I glanced up to see if Jessica was actually upset about the ticket and swore I noticed two familiar faces in the reflection of the 'Coffees of the World' window behind her.

I turned my head quickly, my damp hair whipping my face, but I only saw a group of strangers walking down the sidewalk. I crossed the street in a walk/jog attempt to find them, panic rising in my chest and tears threatening to spill over the brims of my eyes.

"Bella! What the hell?!" I heard Jessica yell after me, but I didn't look back, instead looking both ways at the now empty sidewalk before ducking my head into the first door I found. It was a barber shop with several elderly men occupying the black leather chairs, staring at me.

"I… sorry." I mumbled realizing there was no time to explain my abrupt appearance.

I ran to the next door, and then the next, each time bursting through the door in an attempt to find them. I imagined they'd be looking at clothes and upon hearing their names, raise their heads and smile, offering me their arms and their apologies. But each shop held another disappointment and after twenty minutes of frantic searching, I resigned myself to the fact that I must have been hallucinating.

_I swore I had seen their eyes, that strange shade of gold. And her hair, short, dark and spiky. And the guy, he had longer blond hair and pale skin. _

I found Jessica in the coffee shop sipping on an iced tea playing with her phone.

"Hey, sorry about that. I thought I saw someone," I mumbled, embarrassed by my ridiculous reaction.

"Riiiight. Can we go now?" she replied, clearly annoyed at being left in the rain. She picked her purse up and laid three dollars out on the table before walking to the door.

I turned on my heel and followed her out, my mind still reeling, and my heart still racing.

Once we were comfortably inside of the car I let a long sigh escape my lips and closed my eyes before straightening myself out. Jessica turned to me, "Are you okay? Are you crying, Bella? Who the hell did you think you saw?" She grabbed my arm and then reached up to wipe my cheek.

"No! I'm not crying Jess, it's the rain. I swore I saw Jasper and Alice Cullen, but I guess not." I turned the key in the ignition and pushed my back against the seat, clearing my throat preparing for the drive back home.

"It must've been your imagination or something. I don't think they'd ever come back here just for a shopping trip, and they sure as hell have no other business being here." She said protectively as she buckled her seatbelt and I pulled out of our parking spot. After a few minutes the silence between us was nearly unbearable. Thankfully, Jessica reached up and hit the power button on her stereo system effectively ending the awkwardness.


	6. Dreaming

A/N:

Hi!

So sorry for the delay everyone (_hides behind her desk)!!!_ Finals, you know how it goes. It also seems I'm in need of a new beta. Is anyone up for the job or does anyone have any good suggestions? _Pretty please?_

So this is an important chapter and if all goes accordingly, the next two will be as well. And the songs I refer to on here are "Say (All I Need)" by OneRepublic and "Shelter" from Ray LaMontagne. Give 'em a listen if you're interested, they're pretty great.

I hope you enjoy it!

When I got home that afternoon I called Jacob to cancel our plans for the evening. If we hung out, it would inevitably lead to me telling Jacob who I saw, or _thought_ I saw, this afternoon and that would only be taking a backward step, something I was not willing to do. Jacob was disappointed, sighing slightly into the phone, but when I told him how tired I was, a fact that was not untrue, he told me he understood. I knew Charlie was going to be gone possibly the whole night with Sue so as I dragged my sulking body up the stairs I decided to draw a bath for myself.

I brought my small stereo into the bathroom and laid it tenderly on the counter. The thing was ancient. It was covered in faded stickers of unicorns and fairies, reminders of my childhood summers with Charlie. After putting in a mixed CD Jessica made me last year, I decided to go all out and made the trek back to my bedroom to dig up a few candles Renee had brought me from Vermont or Virginia, during one of Phil's road trips. I sniffed them quickly before setting them around the tub and grabbing the lighter.

Vanilla Cupcake, Warm Pumpkin Pie, and Fresh Cotton.

They were individually amazing, but I was skeptical about combining them. I finally turned the water on and sat by on the edge, allowing my fingers to absentmindedly dance through the cascading stream until I felt the temperature warm to the perfect temperature. As I was looking for my Mr. Bubble under the sink, I noticed a small plastic box shoved into the far right corner of the cabinet. When I pulled it into the light my heart sank. Lavender bath beads- a birthday gift from Alice two years ago. I remember thinking how extravagant the very idea of couture bath beads were, how they were so expensive for something that just disappeared once they hit water as if they never existed, leaving only the lingering scent in the air as the only trace of their presence. And yet, I thought, disappearing was the whole reason for their existence in the first place. As I emptied a few into my hand I smirked. _What an appropriate gift from a Cullen. _

I tossed the beads into the steaming water and closed the box, turning to place them in the far corner again for another rainy day before deciding against it and I re-opened the box, dumping them directly into the bath, shaking the box vigorously to ensure every last violet ball had been driven from its hiding place. I had originally been saving them, as if they were a delicacy I would only have the privilege of enjoying once in life. As if they were irreplaceable. Quite frankly, I was done saving my happiness for another day.

I undressed and wrapped my hair into a messy bun before slowly inching my way into the hot water until I was fully submerged up to my collarbones. I relaxed into the tub, enjoying the gentle lavender scent and imagining the oils soaking into my skin, slowly making it silky and smooth. I was intensely relaxed so I closed my eyes and listened to the song playing from my stereo:

"_Do you know where your love is?  
Do you think that you lost it?  
You felt it so strong, but  
Nothing's turned out how you wanted."_

I slid down until my ears filled with water and the music became quiet, the lead singer's voice echoing against the walls of the bathtub and haunting me with his cobwebbed regret. Then, for the first time in years, I willed the memory to come.

_Edward._

He stood in my front yard clearly waiting for me to get home from school. He was wearing the same dark blue button down shirt and jeans from the night before, and he looked so tired. No, he looked so _defeated._ Yes, defeated, but beautiful still.

I closed the door to my truck and crossed the yard to where he stood, my eyebrows already creased in confusion. He hadn't been at school that day and if that weren't enough to gain my suspicion and worry, his clothes were worrisome. Edward never looked anything but impeccable. Alice treated him as if he were a walking Ken doll, dressing him from head to toe in only the most fashionable looking clothing. She would have never let him leave the house looking this way, which only meant that he hadn't gone home last night.

I cringed, as I made my way in front of him and tilted my face up for a kiss.

He turned his head.

"Bella, let's go for a walk." His voice was different, weaker than usual. As if someone was forcibly pulling the words from his mouth, they sounded distorted.

"Okay, let me just put my book bag on the porch." I walked slowly toward the house feeling the dread seep into my bones, and I allowing myself to exhale a trembling breath before placing my Jansport on the steps and turning to meet Edward's hollow gaze again.

He took my hand and led me into the woods behind my house where we frequently disappeared to on sunny days, enjoying the beauty of the light as it filtered through the treetops and across our usually bundled bodies. Only a few hundred feet down the path Edward stopped and faced me, dropping my hand and putting his into the pockets of his jeans.

"What's the matter?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer, but unable to stand the silence that hung between us any longer.

He bit his lip firmly and glanced both to the right and then to the left before hanging his head. "I'm leaving. I'm sorry, but before you say anything, I need you to know that this is not negotiable." He looked up at me before quickly averted his eyes, choosing instead to concentrate on a squirrel standing near us. I followed his gaze, and saw that the squirrel had stopped nibbling on his acorn and stared back at Edward, obviously aware of the impending end of my world. I thought _remember this squirrel_, _he alone will be the only witness when your heart gives out._

I thought about screaming. I thought if I burst in tears and fell to my knees begging him to regain his sanity he might listen. If I asked him why and challenged whatever logic he thought he had to validate his leaving, maybe he might change his mind and stay. Surely if I could get to him somehow he would wrap his fingers in my hair again and kiss me passionately, cursing himself for ever imagining he could leave. But all this would not work. I knew him well enough to know that his mind was made up and while I wanted to know why, only one question really mattered. I only had one question before he left me, I could see it written on his face. He would only allow one.

"Don't you love me?" My question was delivered as barely a whisper, but contained the weight of every truth I had held in my short 18 years on earth. Every truth which was balancing on a straw bridge, ready to tumble to the ground and shatter into millions of splinters if he answered with a no, leaving me dead inside.

Edward took a step towards me, closing the distance between us and placed his hand on my cheek, a gesture I would have previously thought of as loving and kind, but now seemed patronizing and unnecessarily cruel. He leaned in and kissed me, seeming to savor the taste as he removed his lips from mine and moved towards my ear. I closed my eyes, afraid they would betray the plethora of paradoxical emotions I felt at his touch.

"Sometimes," he whispered so close to my ear I felt his warm breath against my face and I finally opened my eyes, willing myself to memorize this moment.

"… that's just not enough Bella. " I heard him lick his lips and the tip of his nose briefly touched my cheek, causing my knees to weaken slightly, before he straightened himself out and dropped his hand back towards his side. Edward backed up slowly and whispered, "I'm sorry. Goodbye" before making a quick exit from my life.

My eyes opened as I came back into the present. The last song on the playlist lulled me out of the past and back into the lukewarm water of the present.

"_It's hard to believe it  
Even as my eyes do see it  
The very things that make you live are killing you  
Listen when all of this around us'll fall over  
I tell you what we're gonna do  
You will shelter me my love  
I will shelter you."_

Just as I had forced myself to remember Edward's departure that afternoon so that I could know it was real, I forced myself to recall the memory now to remind myself that it was his decision. He chose to leave me. He chose to cut off all contact over the past two years. It was my fault I couldn't let go until now.

I heard the floor creak by the door and I nearly jumped out of the bathtub as water splashed over the side and onto the green rug below. I squealed and my hands flew to cover my breasts as my knees instinctually curled to my chest leaving me in a fetal position.

"Bells, it's just me." Jacob poked his head around the corner and put his hands into the air defensively.

"Jesus JACOB!" I yelled angrily. "How the hell did you get in here? How long have you been standing there? You scared the shit outta me." I pulled the curtain shut giving me some privacy as I pulled the plug to the drain. I stood back up and wrapped the curtain around me as I peered out at Jacob.

"I'm sorry but I was worried about you when we got off the phone and I knocked but you didn't answer the door so I tried the handle and it was unlocked- in both cases!" He seemed surprised by this fact and quickly added, "Are you trying to get robbed or something? Anyway, I only got here a few minutes ago…"

"A few minutes ago?! You've been watching me for a few minutes and you didn't think you should alert me to your presence?" I shouted back, not at all comfortable with him witnessing me in an Edward coma.

"Yeah. You seemed… busy. So I waited. Not that I minded waiting and all. It smells like an Amish bakery in this place… an Amish bakery with hot naked chicks in it." He winked at me and handed me my robe.

I huffed indignantly, still uncomfortable with the intrusion, and closed the curtain so I could cover myself.

"What's going on with you? Did you find a dress? Did something happen with Jessica?" Jacob asked.

I waited for him to finish before answering, "Nothing. Surprisingly yes. And no." My robe was tied securely around my body now but I remained behind the curtain for a few additional seconds, nervous to look Jake in the face.

"Everything's fine. I told you I was just tired," I finally mumbled.

I pulled the faded green curtain back and stepped out onto the mat, now wet after I'd spilled half of the bathwater onto it, and my eyes looked up to meet his. They were creased with worry and I was suddenly embarrassed that I yelled at him. He had only come over because he was worried, and for good reason. I had cancelled plans to hang out with him tonight even when only hours earlier I wanted nothing more than to just eat a bowl of cereal beside him. And after last night's debacle… _Jesus_. He must be terrified I'm going to leave him or something. Just as I opened my mouth to apologize he spoke.

"No, Bella. No, it's not okay. I talked to Jessica," he paused and his eyes made their way down towards his feet. He shifted uncomfortably back and forth from one foot to the other.

"She told me you thought you saw someone today and ran around like a crazy person in the rain for a half an hour calling out for them. She said you thought you saw Alice and Jasper." At the mention of their names he squinted his eyes and backed away from me until his legs hit the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest. I stared at him because he actually, for a second, looked… scared. Of _me._

I panicked. _Damnit Jessica._

All I could think to say was, "It was _not_ a half an hour. More like fifteen minutes, and it was barely even raining, definitely just a little misting!"

Suddenly Jacob turned to face the mirror and his arms untwined. His left fist slammed down onto the marble countertop, creating a large crack in the rock and an even larger boom that echoed painfully through the small bathroom causing me to fist the front of my robe closed and step backwards into the tub again instinctually placing distance between us. Jacob would never hurt me, but it didn't stop my body from reacting to a perceived threat of danger. Especially from someone as huge as Jake was.

"DAMNIT Bella! Stop _lying_ to me! I've tried to be patient. I've tried to be understanding with this shit, but this is ridiculous!" he was yelling at me.

Jacob _never_ yelled at me.

He brought his hands up to his hair and turned around. He placed his palms together in a prayer position and seemed to plead with me. "When will you just let it go? There are only two people in this relationship- you and me." He held up two fingers and pointed to each of us.

"I can't be second to him anymore, Baby. I can understand you still loving him- but _I_ am here with you." His voice cracked on the last word, and it immediately caused a pain to shoot through my body. He seemed to be breaking. This giant rock of a man was cracking the way Charlie's countertop had only seconds before, and I was going to splinter right along with him if he did. Jake had always been the strongest part of me. Sure he could be a little hot tempered now and again but I had never seen him cry before. I thought he was going to when Harry Clearwater died, but even then, just one tear made the long trek down his face before quickly being wiped away. I couldn't bear to think that I had done something, lied to him about something, that made him look this way.

I wanted to jump from my skin, ashamed of being caged within it suddenly. I was embarrassed that I could have treated someone I loved with so much disregard, even if it was unintentional As if what was happening with me did not really affect him, which was clearly a lie.

He shook his head, and his face was torn between expressing grief, frustration, and anger. He pointed a finger into his chest sharply and flattened it against his sternum pounding it with each sentence, apparently settling on anger.

"You're wearing_ my _ring. _I'm_ the one who loves you, Bella. Me! I shouldn't be second to some fucking _ghost_." He spat the words at me before turning his head towards the door.

My mouth hung open as silent tears continued to run down my cheeks overflowing onto my robe.

"I gotta get out of here. I can't… be around you." He said, never looking back towards me and walking out of the bathroom.

"Jake…" I whimpered.

A few seconds later I heard the front door slam shut and he was gone.

I stood in the bathtub for what had to be almost an hour, not fully understanding what had just happened. When I finally came to my senses I quickly jumped out of the tub and ran into my room grabbing my cell and dialing his number, not even knowing what I was going to say, but certain I had to say something. Anything. I wouldn't let Jacob walk out of my life without a fight this time.

I called his cell eleven times, terrified he hated me, or worse, that I had pissed him off so much he had driven recklessly in the rain and gotten into an accident. I called Billy and he told me he would have Jake call me as soon as he got in. I was too impatient to wait though and an hour later I called back, but Jake was still gone. After the third try Billy told me he had come home quickly but was no longer there. He thought Jake had probably just gone for a run to calm down and would certainly be back soon.

I lay in the fetal position still wrapped in my bathrobe, my hair still wet and beginning to curl in gnarly ways. My stomach was growling as the sun shifted across my bedroom windows and the ever darkening night crept onto my bed. A million thoughts ran through my head, while I lay there. Bits and pieces of the past two years with Jake ran on repeat, always interrupted by the same questions, _Will I always be left by the men I love most? Will I always find a way to push them away?_

As I finally succumbed to sleep I kept my hand firmly curled around the phone- just in case.

_Two for two, Bella. You're an official fuck up._

At three am I awoke abruptly from a nightmare. Jake's eyes, warm and brown, had merged with Edward's defeated stare that afternoon in the woods and together they were leaving me again. I was gasping for air, and I bolted straight up in bed still holding the phone tightly in my right hand. I flipped it open, the blue light momentarily blinding me.

No missed calls, no voicemails, no texts.

I couldn't take it. I slid off of the bed, pulled on some pants and a sweatshirt, and grabbed my car keys. I left a note for Charlie on the kitchen table just in case he came home before I made it back. I grabbed my shoes and unlocked the front door, realizing Jacob must have locked it on his way out as I hadn't been downstairs since I'd gotten home earlier that day. I walked outside and turned to re-lock the door behind me before turning and tripping over a hulking black shape, causing me to nearly do a somersault down the steps. Two giant hands grabbed me at the waist to steady me and I got my balance before preparing myself to run as quickly as possible to the car, already mentally plotting the fastest route while turning the keys around in my hands, preparation to stab someone if necessary.

But before I pushed away I felt the heat seep through my shirt and it soothed me immediately. Jacob had caught me. Jacob was sitting on my front steps, in the dark, waiting for me.

I had only just registered this before I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his muscular neck, and wrapping my legs around his waist -straddling him. I did not give a crap about whether he was still angry or not as I was just overwhelmed with happiness that he was in front of me, in one piece, and had caught me before I'd inevitably broken my face open. I was instantly relieved when his arms entwined my back and I knew without either one of us confirming it that the fight was over and he'd forgiven me.

I pushed back from him so I could look at his eyes, my smile feeling so wide my lips burned.

"What are you doing here? I was so worried! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. God, I'm sorry Jake." I had my palms against his cheeks and brought his face towards mine, kissing him on his forehead, his eyebrows, his cheeks, nose and his lips.

He mirrored my position, finding my own cheeks and wiping away my tears with his large thumbs, while a small, timid smile formed on his mouth. He breathed in deeply and moved his hands to my back where he rubbed up and down slowly.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you, Bella. I promised I never would and I couldn't stand being just another jackass who was dumb enough to walk away from you. Dumb enough to break your heart. That would make me no better than him. And you deserve better." He kissed me tenderly over and over again while whispering apologies for scaring me. I was so thankful that he understood. That he kept his promise.

Finally I stood up and gently grabbed his hand heading back towards the door. He tapped my butt cheek lovingly with his free hand as I walked up the steps in front of him. I swatted it away teasingly and he jumped up the final step so he stood parallel with me, resting his left arm across the doorway and wrapping his right arm around my waist while I tried to fit the key into the keyhole.

One of the things I loved most about Jake was his ability to keep moving forward, never dwelling on the past, just taking advantage of the here and now. Clearly, he was using this skill now.

"You know why I really came back?" he asked in a jovial tone.

"Because you thought you could at least get a bit of make-up sex out of the deal?" I answered sarcastically, finally sliding the key in.

"Holy shit, no. That wasn't what I was going to say, but had I known that was a possibility, it probably would have marched right back up the stairs after I closed the door!" He laughed and I smacked his arm.

"You are the biggest perv." I teased.

"You're the one who brought it up, Bells." He curled his finger around a free strand of my hair before uncurling it and letting his hand graze down my back.

"Well, if it wasn't that then why _did_ you come back?" I asked flirtatiously looking up into his affectionate brown eyes.

"Welllll, I was going to say because I didn't want to be hunted down like some damn animal when Charlie saw the crack I put in his marble counter. And also because I left my cell-phone in your kitchen. But let's go with the make-up sex. _Definitely_ because of the make-up sex." He winked and I sighed exaggeratedly. His cell phone was here the whole time? Jesus. I was so thrilled to have him next to me now though I could have screamed at the top of my lungs until the sleeping neighbors threw shoes at us.

"Yeah right. Should we tell Charlie that? You're sure he wouldn't hunt you down either way?" I asked pushing my way through the door. "You must be dreaming Jake."

"Touché, little lady …." He answered following my lead, still smiling adorably, the glimmer of light from the hallway twinkling in his eyes making him look mischievous in a way that was all Jake, and that worked its way down to my "girly bits" as he called them.

"But I do have a magic wand from Disneyworld upstairs somewhere in my closet and you know what they say…." I licked my lips adding just the right amount of seduction to make my hormonal fiancé go crazy.

"No, no I don't believe I do. Is it something like, 'Free Pancakes for Everyone?'" He whispered in an attempt at being funny. Only his eyes were already hooded and his chest rose and fell rapidly, immediately indicating I had won the battle with just a lick of my lips.

"No, I think it's more like, 'Dreams really do come true'." I said as I ran my finger to the tip of his nose before booping it and turning to head up the stairs towards my bedroom, sashaying my hips in his face as I climbed the first three steps.

"Oh, no you di'int," he said before taking two steps up the stairs, throwing me over his shoulder, and galloping to the top. His voice echoed through the halls as he dove into my room, laid me on the bed and threw open my closet doors. After about thirty seconds he returned, hair a mess, shirt somehow missing, and a light blue wand with a silver sequined star at the top. Ribbons whipped around as he held it over his head like a prize and then said, "Remind me to thank Charlie for picking this up for you" before diving head first onto the bed.


	7. Feeling

A/N: Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Ugh- this has been a seriously crazy summer. Sorry this update has taken so long to post, but as a reward I give you SWEET SWEET LEMONS! I recognize there are likely tons of errors (particularly with tenses) but as I am still without a beta (and am unlikely to find another anytime soon) don't be too harsh on me

He landed on my bed with a thud and a large grin still plastered across his face.

"Can we please NOT talk about my father right now?" I asked him. A picture of Charlie in his police outfit, his mustache twitching as he quickly reached for his gun ready to shoot my fiancé for defiling his little girl, invaded my head threatening to absolutely decimate the mood. That is until Jake quietly whispered in my ear, "Whatever you want," before making a trail of soft, warm kisses down my neck.

To be fair, it would have been impossible to think of anything or anyone at that moment other than Jake and his lips. After lying in bed all night and imagining my life without him, I felt cured of any hesitations I may have previously held on to.

Jacob continued kissing down my neck until he could go no further and being restricted by my shirt he stopped only long enough to lift my back from the bed and tenderly pull my shirt over my head. My hair flailed down my back and I had no doubt it was twelve shades of hideousness. But none of that mattered because the way he was looking at me was reminiscent of a five year old on Christmas morning, opening the present he had been wishing for an entire year. I blushed a long deep crimson while dipping my head at the thought that someone could love me so innocently.

Well, innocently enough for someone I knew had every intention of ravaging me.

Jacob knew me. And though he had never been with me like this before, I felt as though his strong, warm body knew my small, pale one in intimate and secret ways.

He somehow knew the surefire way to get me going was through my nipples, so the minute his mouth reconnected with my body after removing my shirt, it was making its way down my chest, intent on making sure I wouldn't say no to him again. I had no intention of saying no.

His hands left the small of my back and swept across my ribs to rub the curve of my breasts before cupping them in his hands. His left hand met my right nipple and I could feel in every inch of my body the waves of lust he created by rolling the puckered flesh between his two fingers. His mouth kissed around the outside of my left breast, feeling its heaviness in his hand until his tongue met my nipple. He licked in circles, then intermittently stopping to flick his tongue up and down, side to side before circling again. The noises he was making reminded me of watching him eat his favorite sundae at Sam's café. He would lick the bowl clean humming every time his tongue met the chocolate.

My body had become his chocolate sundae and he was prepared to lick me clean.

With that image in my mind it was only two minutes into making out before I was already on the verge of orgasm. He could feel it as my body shook and my voice grew louder. My hand crept up to his hair and I wrapped my fingers through it giving it a rough tug. At this, his teeth grazed my nipple and I came as a loud, powerful, orgasm ripped through my body. I had been sitting straight up still and as the ending of my orgasm came to pass I eagerly fell back on the pillow with my eyes closed and what I was sure was a goofy grin on my face.

I opened my eyes as Jake shifted from his crouching position and wiped his mouth before revealing his bright white teeth and the devious twinkle in his eye.

"Aw, Bells. Don't tell me you're already spent! I haven't even made it past your belly button" he sighed as he put both hands firmly on the mattress on either side of me and bent over, kissing my sternum.

"If you have more of where that came from… I'll order double." I said before smirking.

"I love it when you talk about sex like food."

"You love it when I talk about food in general. Maybe when we get a little more advanced we can bring some food into the bedroom."

"Oh yeah?" he seemed genuinely intrigued. "What kind of food? What would we do with it?" He was back to kissing me, using his tongue again to trace a line down towards my navel. He circled it before heading further south, suddenly halted by my shorts.

"I, uh…mmmm, well. Maybe some whipped cream and strawberries?" I ask, truly impressed with my ability to keep on topic.

"Nah, too cliché." He responded while lifting my hips and sliding my shorts down. He slipped them from my feet and tossed them to the side of the bed. He took his shirt off and I took a moment to marvel at his physique. Each muscle in its place, catching the moonlight through my window and highlighting the curves and strength in his arms and torso. _Jesus. Why wasn't I the one kissing him?_

As if to answer my question, he rubbed his hand up the outside of my calves and upon reaching my knees, he gently pressed them apart causing me to separate my legs so that I was sitting spread eagle facing him. He leaned back on his heels and seemed to be enjoying the view.

I lay there, still too high on my previous orgasm to care about him practically interviewing my vag, and then thank fucking God, his head dipped just as his huge, warm hands slid down my inner thighs. I felt him gently kiss the skin directly above my clit and my hips automatically pushed off the bed like my vagina was preparing to eat his face or something. He thankfully, used the opportunity to slip one hand underneath my hips and pull me towards him. His tongue slowly and purposefully slid up until it hit my clit and he began to work his magic.

"Okay then, chicken and biscuits. Spaghetti and meatballs. A five dollar foot long. I swear I'll give you whatever you want as long as you keep doing that," I moaned loudly.

My voice sounded more desperate and needy than I would have liked to convey but it was true. I would give him anything to keep him there all night long. That is until another orgasm ripped through me a few minutes later and I found myself suddenly consumed by my need to be filled by him.

He stood at the side of the bed and pulled his white boxers down revealing his perfect package. I never found men's junk to be anything particularly attractive on the few occasions I'd seen it in a porn (Alice thought it was hysterical to trick me into watching a minute of one and then seeing me stammer and blush as I try to get her to turn it off) or in sex ed class at school. But Jacob, I could take a picture of it, frame it, and put it on my bedside table. It was what I imagine women hope for when pulling their boyfriend's pants down for the first time.

He stepped out of his shorts and crawled back onto the bed. After pulling my eyes away from him I pushed him down on the bed slowly and kissed him on the mouth, sucking his tongue into my mouth and surprisingly enjoying the taste of me that lingered there.

"Do you want me to, I mean, I can be on top if you want?" he asked, his eyebrows wrinkled at the center.

"No, you stay there," I commanded placing my hand on his chest to keep him from getting up before I straddled his hips. I could feel him beneath me, firm, his excitement already seeping from his head. I positioned myself over him and wrapped my hand around his shaft, mentally preparing for what I assumed to be a bit of a pain, but unable to control my desire to feel what it was going to be like to have him inside of me.

He placed both hands on my hips and stopped me right as I began to lower myself.

"Wait," he whispered and I looked up to meet his eyes, clouded with what was it? Nerves?

"What? Wait, why?" I said, suddenly confused.

"I just, Bella, I love you. I am so in love with you. I just wanted to say that in case… I don't know. In case this somehow changes things."

The tension in my stomach melted away and I placed my free hand against his cheek and told him, "Jake. I love you too, and this will only bring us closer. I promise." In my mind I changed the last word to _hope._

He nodded slightly and then smiled a bit, seemingly embarrassed for being so emotional. I replaced my hand on my leg and his grip on my hips loosened slightly. I lowered myself until I felt pressure and then kept pushing. He slid in, inch by inch, and my chest tightened. There was a slight burn, but not nearly as bad as I had expected. Perhaps it was the foreplay? I was wet enough to intimidate a rain forest. My breath was lost to me until the moment my body lay flush with his.

Without understanding it, or questioning it, an innate understanding took hold in my brain. We are complete this way. I was his now and he was mine.

I was tight around him, and I could feel him slightly pulsating inside of me. I thought for a moment that I had never really known I had been empty until I was filled, my body reacting instinctually as I began rocking my hips slowly, feeling the pressure his presence created on each part of my body. His head tapped my g-spot for the first time and I imagined fireworks exploding behind my eyes.

Jacob kept his hands on my hips, guiding me, showing me how he wanted me to move to make him feel as amazing as I did. I sought his face out in the dark and saw his features deep in concentration. His eyes opened, finding first my face, and then my chest. He watched my breasts sway with each movement and then reached out with both hands to involve both his senses in their movement. His mouth opened and his let out a long, deep moan as I continued to ride him. As one of his hands found my nipple again I let my head fall back and enjoyed the dual sensations. I began to move faster, feeling the ends of my hair tickle my lower back as his thumb found my clit. He rubbed the skin in smooth circles, both my clit and my nipple. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he'd been with dozens of women as it was either direct experience or porn that created this sort of expertise.

My voice was catching up to me and my hips began to make bigger and bigger motions as I grew louder and louder.

"Jake… Jake I'm gonna… come." I moaned.

It was too much, I felt him all over me and inside of me, washing through my body. I felt my body begin to tighten and release, tighten and release just as he cried out, "Fuuuuckkkk, Bella!" and thrust his hips up into me, lifting us both off the bed and then slamming us back down. It was a rough movement that made me all the more excited. I rode our orgasms out as we clawed at each other and whimpered, each needing the depth and release as much as the other.

I crumpled on top of his chest, breathing heavily, and wrapped my arms around him. He followed suit and kissed the top of my head. His heart was beating rapidly, thumping in my eardrum as he rubbed circles on my back. Suddenly his chest made halted movements and a noise escaped his mouth.

I lifted my head, "Jake?"

And there he was, all six foot nine hundred inches of equal parts muscle and confidence crying like a baby in my arms.

"Oh Jake, what's the matter? Why are you crying, baby?" I placed both hands against his cheek and felt the tears roll down his face, but he didn't turn away.

This is what love is. It is trust, deep enough to share even the most subterranean emotions.

"It's gonna sound stupid. But, I feel… different now," he whispered.

"Different?" I asked, cocking my head to the side completely confused and to be honest, scared. I was afraid that what I had just experienced was one sided, and that suddenly he regretted it.

"Yeah. Like, I thought I loved you before but this is… God, this deserves an entirely new word. Like my soul and your soul just became fishing pals and left the building," he said it and then chuckled a bit.

"Ummm, that's a bizarre way to put it, but randomly, I think I know what you're trying to say." I smiled at him, because I got it. I really did.

"I sound so lame, but I don't even care. I wish we were getting married tomorrow, or like, right now. You know like in that movie with those two kids and they're best friends and the one kid is like, 'I wanna scream I love you from the top of my roof right now'? Well, I totally get it now." He ran a hand through my hair and let it run the length of my back until it reached my ass and then he cupped it in his hand, massaging it gently.

I kissed him. I kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, his chin and finally his lips. We were still joined, and I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me empty again. As we kissed, his hand got firmer and firmer on my ass and in one swift motion he flipped me onto my back and he hovered above me, shifting his hips and pulling himself away from me.

"Noooooo!" I whine. "Don't go just yet." I claw at his hips and pull him back to me, sighing as he returns to his rightful place within me.

"Go? Yeah, right. I'll be here all night. But after this session I'm really feeling that five dollar foot long you promised me. Maybe two." He grins and then kisses my neck and begins his rhythmic push pull, drawing a sigh from my mouth.

"What do you say I meet you at Newton's for lunch today? I can pack a picnic and we can go out to that field you always used to go to in the woods near your house? I bet it's amazing right about now with all of the flowers starting to bloom." Jacob was practically singing in my ear. He was right, I had never seen him this happy before. He was swinging my hand back and forth between us, one hand curled around a strand of my hair.

Ever since we made love a week ago, Jake had found a reason to be with me twenty-four seven, well, except when he and his buddies got together to fish. He had been spending the night (with or without Charlie's approval), bringing me food on my lunch breaks, and even making dinner for Charlie and me a few times. Not that dinner was very good, enchiladas burned so badly they were almost beyond salvation, but it was the thought that counted. And that he didn't burn down the kitchen. And I have to say, as much as this type of behavior would have previously pissed me off, I kind of loved it at the moment. Though I wondered what the meaning of it was, aside from the amazing bedroom skills I apparently have of course. I mean, I got the distinct feeling of anxiety laced with his newfound love and devotion to me. It's like he's waiting for something big to happen, like a giant wolf is going to jump out and attack me or something and no matter how hard I try to convince him everything's fine, the more zealous his watch over me becomes.

We haven't had sex again, though that decision is more based off of my recovery than anything else. Five times in one night is, well, it's a bit too much for my …ya know… I suppose. And I don't know how she did it but Jessica knew. The moment I saw her again after that night, she called me out.

"HOLY SHIT. You lost your v-card. You skanktastic ho!" Jessica squealed in my ear as I walked into the alterations shop to have my second fitting. I rolled my eyes, and shushed her harshly, my ever present blush surely giving me away.

"Ohmygod. But seriously, how was it? Did it hurt? God, I know my first time did. Did you do anything kinky? I bet you did. I bet you dressed up like Supernanny and your hand ROCKED that cradle!" She threw her head back and laughed her Jessica laugh and I slapped her arm in an effort to get her to shut up. I was hoping to God no one in the shop spoke very good English.

"Jessica. Seriously, shut up!" I lowered my voice, "how do you even know that? Is it written on my forehead with bright red marker or something?" I mockingly tried to scrub it off.

"I can just tell. I'm good at these things. But I'm for real- how was it? Was it what you thought it would be?" Her eyes seemed more relaxed and I felt comfortable telling her everything. Well, almost everything. I didn't want to kiss and tell, but if it were Alice I would tell her everything and since Alice wasn't here, well, I needed to tell someone.

"Wow. I think if I combined all of my sexual encounters into one fiery ball, they would only just match your description of you and Jake. Maybe I need to find a hot 18 year old before Mike and I tie the knot, huh? Do you think it's a native thing, or do I have hope for teaching Mike?" Sadly, she seemed serious.

"Um, I'm.. not… sure? Is Angela coming? She knows she needs to try her dress on, right? And what about the flowers, are you sure you want to do calla lilies? I was thinking more of a wildflower arrangement, with those green berries or something? And my hair- I want a daisy in my hair for sure."

Jessica sat, gaping at me. Her mouth open, her bright pink chewing gum falling from her mouth. Her eyes were practically bugging from her face.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Ummmmmmmm. What the hell happened to you? I mean, I know you got laid and everything but, Jesus. Where the hell is Bella? The one who hasn't really had any input into her own wedding until about five seconds ago?" She took a swig from what I hope was her bottle of water and not her water bottle filled with vodka.

"Nothing. Geeze. I'm just, ya know, ready I guess." My shoulders conveying my message as they lifted and then slumped back down. A smile spread upon my face as I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Good for you," she said before grabbing the dress and leading me to the fitting room.

And it was true. Somehow over the last week, getting married to Jake just made sense and for once I trusted it. I hadn't thought of Edward at all this week and his absence from my mind was freeing. It left me open to really enjoying Jake and the wedding planning process. I found myself doing stupid things with him like I used to do when we were little like riding our bikes through the woods, catching a piggy back ride on his strong back, and making fun of lame sci-fi movies. These were goofy things I never got to do with Edward, as he was serious by nature and unable to understand my need to tousle his hair or sing to reggae music in my hairbrush while jumping around in my pajamas. He wasn't a bad guy, he just reminded me of someone born in the wrong century sometimes.

Jake had also begun to fill me in on the Quileute legends. He said technically he wasn't supposed to tell me until we were married, and that he had a conflict with telling me before now, but all of the sudden he said he was free to tell me, that I could be trusted with their heritage and history. It was a big step and one that I did not take lightly. I was beginning to see Jake in a whole new light through his stories. I knew he was next in line to be chief but somehow seeing the history of it all, the weight that rested on his shoulders- I had a newfound respect for him, his father, and the Quileute tribe as a whole.

I went to bed every night that week thrilled that I was going to be a part of it, and so would our children, and grandchildren.

I was gaining more than a husband.

I was gaining a heritage, a culture, and a giant extended family.


	8. Jumping

_A/N: Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer._

* * *

One month.

Four weeks.

Twenty-eight days.

Six hundred… something hours.

Until I was getting _married. _

I was going out with Charlie for a sort of father-daughter day starting at nine am. I had gone to school and worked the day before and was exhausted when I finally walked through the front door but the minute I sat down and propped my dirty sneakers on the magazine laden coffee table, Charlie was beside me, beer in hand.

"Bells."

"Yeah Dad."

I looked up to find him grinning, ear to ear, as if he had some salacious secret he was just dying to dangle in front of me. Regardless of the exhaustion now making my muscles ache with every heart beat, his damn smile was contagious.

So I smiled and waited for him to bait a hook and dangle. But he didn't.

"What? Why are you grinning like a hyena?" I laughed, because Charlie rarely smiled and when he did, well, it was borderline awkward.

"Tomorrow you don't have classes, do you?" he took a swig from his can.

"No, I just work from 9-3. Why?" I asked, sitting up untying my shoes.

"No, you don't. I spoke with Chuck this afternoon, he gave you the day off." He was still grinning. Smugly now that he'd proven his ability to pull strings with my boss.

"What? Why? I mean, not that I mind. I'm exhausted, but I'm already taking so many days off for the wedding and whatever honeymoon Jake has planned." I bit the bait and I was curious as hell as to what he had up his sleeve.

"Well, let's just say I called in a favor for that time I gave his rotten son Kyle a 'get out of jail free' card when I found him shoplifting tampons." He chuckled and whispered, "…idiot kid."

"Weird." That kid was an idiot though. And tampons? I'd have to ask Chuck about that one. "So, should I be worried or something?"

"No, of course not. It's just, you've only got a few more weeks left until you're a … ahem… 'married woman.'" He made air quotations in order to emphasize his sarcasm. They were totally unneeded as the sarcasm was dripping from each word. "Just be ready to leave the house by 9am and wear… something _not_ girly."

I nodded, intrigued. "Yeah, okay. And you know me… always wearing skirts and heels. Shouldn't be a problem Dad- I'll leave my tiara at home too." At that I stood up, shrugged past him and with a 'goodnight' I was upstairs prepared to pass out.

The next morning I put on a pair of jeans, a white tank top, and a dark green flannel shirt. I didn't bother to put any makeup on or do anything with my hair further than throwing it up in a ponytail. Knowing Charlie he had something planned outdoors. We'd probably just end up going fishing. I grabbed some toast and sat at the table eating and waiting for Charlie to come down. A few minutes into reading _The Seattle Times_, the chair next to me pulled out and there he was, his mustache twitching under his ill-fitting Seahawks hat, looking proud as pie that I was participating in his plan thus far.

"You ready?" he asked as he ate the last bite of his breakfast bar and stood, grabbing a duffle bag, already halfway to the door by the time I responded with a "mmhmm," my mouth full of toast.

We took the cruiser and about five minutes in I realized we were headed towards the reservation.

"Are Jake and Billy involved in this weird conspiracy?" I asked, feeling dangerously close to betrayed that I was the last person to know whatever was going on.

"I told them about it, and believe me, both of them tried to stop me. They told me I was crazy but, I think you can appreciate my intention at least." He patted my knee in an attempt to persuade me that he was, in fact, completely sane.

"Oh Jesus." I muttered.

FIfteen minutes later we were on a section of the reservation I hadn't seen before. This was a surprise because I thought I had wandered with Jake and his friends all over the rez and he certainly wouldn't have kept some place this beautiful to himself.

This part was scarcely populated, only three houses in what must have been about fifty acres. There was a view of both the ocean and the mountains. It was by far, one of the most peaceful places I had ever been. Charlie pulled down the driveway of a moderately sized white house with dark blue shutters and a matching door. It had a flower garden in the front that seemed to be neatly kept, though the yard was in desperate need of a mow. There didn't appear to be anyone home.

"Dad, where are we? Do you know these people?"

"Yes, I actually do. And I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have a problem with me being here." He said as he turned the car off.

"Lemme guess. You called in another favor? You know, you're sounding more and more like a corrupt cop, yielding your influence and power over others for a profit." I opened the door and looked into the backyard, which was actually only a few hundred yards of grass before it dropped about fifty feet and met the ocean.

"Yeah. But don't tell anyone, or I'll plant weed on you and call another favor," he said, closing the door behind him.

"Pffft. You don't scare me." I looked over at him and laughed at how ridiculous the word "weed" sounded coming from his mouth. "Well, whoever they are they sure have one helluva view," I said as I stood, mesmerized by the crashing sound and the endless distance of ocean that lay ahead of us both.

"Bella?" Charlie was right beside me and his hand slipped into mine as we both stood staring.

After a few seconds I finally looked at him and noticed that shit-eating grin was back on his face.

"Honey, welcome home." He met my eyes and I realized that his grin wasn't maniacal, but proud.

"What? You're moving here?" I was freaking out. This was going to be Charlie's backyard! No wonder the owner didn't care he was bringing me here. He WAS the owner!

"No Bells. This is_ your _home. I mean, yours and Jake's. It's your wedding present."

I looked behind me at the house. There was a tree beside it that would be perfect for a tire swing.

"Wait. Huh?" I met Charlie's eyes.

He stood there staring at me, I assume waiting for a response, before squinting his eyes and scratching the back of his head, causing his hat to sit sideways on his head for a moment, before straightening it out again. A few seconds passed and then he cleared his throat and laughed once, a self-conscious attempt to get a reaction from me.

_Did he just say mine and Jake's home? _

_Screeeech!_

It was like a scene out of a classic eighties movie where the nerd enters the party and the DJ stops the album abruptly. Yeah, that sound was in my head when I finally understood his words. Like the party just stopped because of me.

Before I even realized it, I was jumping up and down, emitting little yips and 'Oh my God's' intermittently. When I finally gained my footing again, my heart dropped.

"Wait. How the… you can't afford this! What were you thinking? Dad, I don't want you to have to cash in your retirement for this! Jake and I can figure something else out." I was immediately thinking of ways to contact the previous owner and figure out a way to get the money back from the house.

To be honest, I hadn't really thought about where we were going to live once we were married. I just assumed we'd have to move into an apartment somewhere near the reservation so we could both stay close to our parents. I felt myself blush out of embarrassment for not having had a plan for something so important.

"Bells, calm down. That's the other thing I was gonna tell you. I didn't touch my retirement, I promise."

He looked down at the ground and then squinted, as if what he was about to tell me was going to hurt. He looked back at me, "I'm selling the house and moving in with Sue. I… I love her." Again, he looked away and I wondered if he was nervous I might judge him for loving someone who wasn't my mother. I felt a sadness seep into my heart imagining the worry he seemed to have experienced at sharing his joy with me.

"Dad. That's wonderful." I reached up and touched his face with my palm, a gesture I had never been comfortable enough to do before with him, and yet in this moment, it was genuine and unforced. I turned his face towards mine and smiled with my whole body. "You deserve to be happy too, Dad." He wrapped his arms around me and I was crying and he was crying and we were laughing because three years ago, this sort of emotional intimacy with my father seemed beyond impossible. And now here we were, wrapped up in each other's arms with twenty years of unspoken love and devotion unable to remain silent any longer. And while it was cathartic and a milestone for both of us, it was also weird and something we both knew needed practice in the future.

Once we wiped our eyes off and our laughing had died down, Charlie, I mean _my dad,_ reached into his pocket and pulled out three shiny silver keys.

"Don't pretend like you're not dying to see what the inside looks like." He smirked at me, the baseball cap shielding everything but the upturn of his lips.

"Yes! Yes! Are you kidding? Why are we still outside?" I grabbed the keys and ran to the front door, trying two keys before finally finding the correct one.

The inside was beautiful. Everything was white. It looked like a clean page of paper. A fresh start.

There were three bedrooms and two bathrooms and the kitchen was unbelievable.

"Yeah, I figured the kitchen was the most important part of the house to you so I made sure it was something you'd like." He ran his hand over the marble counters.

The kitchen looked brand new. The appliances were maybe a year old and stainless steel. There were large windows across the back wall allowing the view to be seen from practically every room. I couldn't wait to cook my first meal there.

"So, did I do good?" He asked.

"Dad. It's literally perfect. I think it's going to take a while to sink in, but it's… amazing." I hugged him and whispered a very genuine "thank you so much" in his ear.

After checking out the rest of the house we locked the front door and headed back towards the driveway.

"Wait, why did you have me dress this way?" I asked, stopping and looking at my dad.

"Well, partly to throw you off the scent and partly because of this." He put his arm around my shoulders and directed me towards the cliff. We got to the edge and I noticed a small, steep trail leading down towards the water.

"Dad, there's no beach down there. Where does this go?"

"You'll see." Was his only response.

After only about thirty feet down the path it ended on a ledge. My dad began unlacing his boots and taking first his hat and then his shirt off, lying them in a pile on the ledge.

"Well, come on Bells. Take your shoes off. And you might want to take that flannel off too."

I gawked at him. It wasn't that I wasn't up for it. Hell, I had been bothering Jake about jumping from one of the cliffs for a year now, but my dad jumping? Well, that made me a little nervous.

Clearly he sensed my hesitancy.

"Bella. Don't be scared." He said, half mocking me.

"Dad! I'm not scared for me! I'm scared for the geezer beside me! Surely you'd break a hip falling from this height." I laughed, but was convinced my sarcasm infused worry was understood.

"Oh please. Your mom and I used to jump from higher than this. And Billy, before the accident, man, he used to do back flips off of that sixty foot cliff near their house. This is only thirty feet. I assure you, my hips will be just fine." He grabbed his leg and began stretching.

"Okay, old man. You're on." This was a completely different side to him. I was almost sad that I'd known him all of my life and never seen this daring and exciting side to him. I kicked my shoes off gently and slid the shirt from my shoulders, hoping the jeans and tank top still remaining wouldn't prove to be too heavy for the swim back to shore.

I met him on the side of the cliff and my heart began beating rapidly.

"Can I just ask you, before we possibly die, why we're doing this? I mean, I'm excited and everything but, this doesn't seem like something you'd encourage me to do."

He laughed heartily and ran his hands through his hair, clearly nervous but invigorated with the plan of action laid out ahead of us.

He breathed deeply. "Ya know, you've always been such a brave girl. I remember when you were little you scared the hell outta me because you were never afraid of anything. You'd walk right up to strangers and introduce yourself. I mean, you'd find the biggest scariest looking biker and would ask him for a ride on his 'motorbike.' You'd climb the highest trees, and even after watching scary movies you were fearless about looking under the bed or in your closet for monsters. Like, 'Oh hey dad, don't worry. I've got this.'" He looked back out at the steel blue sea before continuing. "Two years ago, I watched you get your heart ripped right outta your chest, and even though a part of me was happy that for the first time in your life you might actually need your old man to scare away your monsters, I was so worried that the brave little girl I loved would disappear. And me? Pffff, until a few months ago, I never would have thought it possible to move on again from something like that. But damnit, not you. You're a month from getting married because you were brave enough to get outta bed and try again. And I realized that at some point you stopped being just my little girl and became this amazing woman who was teaching me how to live."

"Oh, Dad," I whispered, "I've always needed you." I hugged him fiercely.

Of course, I was crying. He was making me cry more in the last two hours than I had in, well, just a few weeks ago I was bawling my eyes out because I thought Jake had left me, but before that, well, it had been a while.

I dropped my arms and he cleared his throat. "I've been asleep for a long time now Bella. And thanks to you, I'm finally ready to live. We're both taking huge leaps in the next month and I thought this might be a good way to start our new lives. You and me- taking a metaphorical phrase and making it literal." He grabbed my hand and we took one step forward.

"On three. One. Two. THREE!" he shouted and we sprung like cats straight out from the cliff.

Then I was falling.

Air was pushing through my toes and I was squealing with terror.

No, I was squealing with uninhibited joy.

When the freezing salt water encompassed me after what felt like forever, I was still holding onto my dad's hand until finally the depth of our dive broke us apart.

I resurfaced, a smile flashing across my face, and looked around for him.

Several seconds passed until confusion gave way to panic and I began frantically searching the waters, diving down and then back up for air between waves.

Just as I began to really freak out a sharp pinch on the back of my arm brought a yelp from my lips and I turned swiftly. I was expecting a jellyfish or a lobster or something, but instead saw Charlie with one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face, his wet hair plastered to his forehead.

"Bet you thought I broke a hip." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes and balled my fists up. "If you hadn't just bought me a house, I swear I'd break your hip right now, you jerk!" I shoved him hard, which was not actually hard at all, and tried to regain my breath.

We swam to a break in the rocks and found a thick rope attached at the top to help divers with the steep incline on their way back up the cliff.

We jumped three more times before finally calling it quits. We were exhausted from the climb and cold down to our bones so we grabbed our shoes and shirts and made our way back to the car. Dad pulled out two towels from the duffle bag he'd shoved in the backseat before we left and I wrapped myself up on the car ride home. The heat was on high and before nodding off I peeked over to the driver's side.

Sure enough, that smile, the one I was so unaccustomed to him wearing, the one I had been sure meant only trouble, was back on his face.

And then and there, I decided I liked it and hoped to see it more often.

* * *

A/N: So, one of the things I hoped to accomplish in this story was to develop the relationship between Bella and Charlie. It is, after all, the relationship by which young women judge all future romantic relationships by. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you all enjoyed reading it despite the lack of appearances by any other characters. I promise- big things next chapter!


	9. Hurling

A/N: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Sorry it's taking so long to update. I won't bore you with excuses. Hello to all you new readers. I'm not into begging for reviews though I really do love to receive them. Anyways, hope you enjoy and I'll try to update more quickly now that I've overcome this hurdle.

I awoke as the car pulled into the driveway and Charlie reached over and squeezed my knee to wake me up. We hadn't been gone too long, just a few hours, so I decided I'd get a few wedding things done before heading over to Jake's after he was done with work and showing him the new place.

_Our_ new place.

I was thrilled to show him where we would be living and even though Charlie has filled Jake and Billy in on the plan, he hadn't told them where the house would be. I couldn't wait to tell Jake we'd all be living on the reservation. We could stay close to Billy in case he needed anything, and Charlie and Sue would be just a few miles away. I supposed that other people my age might hate the idea of living a few minutes away from their parents when they got married. But honestly, I lived hours from Renee and I hated it. The idea of living far from both Charlie and Renee just wasn't appealing to me. I liked that I was going to have a great big extended family in just about a month.

I grabbed my robe and headed into the bathroom hanging it on the back of the door before turning towards the mirror and gently fingering the crack in the marble counter Charlie had yet to notice. I thought of how unexpectedly wonderful things had turned out since that horrible day.

As I washed my hair I realized that for the first time in my entire life, everything was as it should be. My mother was happy, married to a younger man who could keep up with her exuberant spirit, my father was in love and moving in (!) with a woman I knew loved him, and I was marrying my best friend soon. I would be graduating in a year (a whole year early) assuming I kept up my good grades and continued to take an obscene amount of credits.

No, Alice wouldn't be at my wedding as my Maid of Honor, but Jessica had proven herself to be the type of friend I could rely on, and I found myself continually honored she found me worthy of her reliance in return. This was particularly important now that I thought of it, because after Edward left I realized I could have easily fallen into a vicious cycle of self-pity, self-loathing, and self-centeredness. A cycle I have personally witnessed others take, ahem Lauren Mallory, which only pushes everyone you have left, further away from you.

Okay, I admit I may have considered this cycle for a while, but the important part is I didn't let myself fall into it so deeply I couldn't get back out. I didn't treat my friends like crap until they finally smartened up and disappeared. I didn't _become_ Lauren Mallory. And thank God for that because by the time she finally realized what a crappy friend she had become, everyone was long gone. I still see her occasionally at the grocery store where she works, hitting on the underage bag boys, the desperation and loneliness etched into her eyes. I felt sorry for her.

And I realized that I had other things going for me too. I had other great friends besides Jessica who had stuck with me through the hard times after Edward left. I also counted myself lucky to have a great job and now I had a beautiful house to call my own. The fairytale ending I had given up on so long ago finally seemed in reach. I recognized a chance for complete harmony amongst all areas of my life, and at this final thought I smiled into the water splashing my face before turning the water off. Just as I was about to do a small dance of overall life success, I slipped.

"Ohhhh, _shiiiiit!" _I yelled.

After realizing just how frequently Jessica actually cursed, around babies, nuns, my father… I had decided to make an effort to refrain from doing it myself when possible. But this was not the time for shishkabob… this called for a _shit_, maybe even a fuck.

My dad had long ago installed those non-slip flower stickers to the bottom of the tub, but at least once a year I slipped anyways. This time I managed to hit the bottom of my chin on the soap holder attached to the wall, ironically shaped into a handle.

After righting myself so that I was now sitting with my legs pulled into my chest, I touched my fingers to the bottom of my chin and pulled them back to look at them.

There was blood, and a lot of it.

I felt myself get lightheaded and was quickly thankful I was already sitting because knowing my luck, I could do a lot of damage in the shower if I fell again. I grabbed my towel and pressed it against my chin tightly, knowing it probably wasn't as bad as it looked. Facial wounds tended to bleed a lot, but usually stopped quickly.

Slowly standing up, I stepped out of the shower and onto the rug wrapping my robe around me and opening the door.

"Daaaaaaad." I called down the stairs.

After a few seconds, "Yeah, Bells?"

"Can you come here for a minute?" I called back, annoyed he couldn't just walk to the bottom of the stairs when I called. A brief image of my mother admonishing me for the same thing flashed into my mind. I rolled my eyes, took my hand off my hip, and waited patiently for Charlie.

He pounded up the stairs and upon seeing me in my robe with my hair sopping wet and a giant towel quickly turning red, his eyebrows quirked and he came to my side.

"Bella! Jesus, what the hell happened?"

"I slipped in the tub, I think I might need stitches. Can you look?" I gently pulled the towel away from my chin and Charlie flipped the light switch on.

"Wait, wait. Let's go in the bathroom. I don't want to drip blood all over the carpet if you're trying to sell this place." I said and entered into the bathroom with Charlie following me.

"God, Bells. It looks like a murder scene in here!" He joked, however concern clearly laced his features.

It did, in fact, look like a murder scene. There was blood all over the bathtub, dripping down the soap dish, on the wall, and over the side of the tub. There were even a few spots on the rug.

"Sorry Dad, I'll just throw this in the wash quickly," I said reaching down for the rug.

"Don't be ridiculous. Now let me look." He said as he stopped me and lifted my chin towards the light.

He studied it for half a second before saying, "Yup, you're going to need stitches. Yeah, I pretty much see your bone. Kinda gross so I'm gonna stop looking. Get dressed and I'll drive you to the hospital." He dropped my chin and left me to get put clothes on.

I pulled on a button up shirt and some jeans not even bothering to look in the mirror as I knew how awful my bloodless face and wet knotted hair must look.

We pulled into the ER and I jumped out of the car so Charlie could park.

"Hey Bella. Fancy seeing you here," Chrissy smiled from the receptionist desk.

"Yeah, I figured I was about due in here. See ya," I joked as I turned the corner and signed in at the ER front desk. Chrissy was nice enough, but I always felt a little unnerved around her. She was like Rosalie, in that 'why aren't you a model, again' way. I also remember hearing how she flirted ruthlessly with Edward, Jasper, Emmett _and_ Carlisle whenever she had a chance. It had been a sort of running joke at the Cullens.

"You can have a seat and you should be called shortly," the nurse said after taking my vitals. I thanked her and waited with Charlie for a half an hour in the bright and uncomfortable waiting room. He watched football while I flipped through a parenting magazine, the only option available outside of Outdoor World.

I decided to text Jake to let him know what was going on.

_Hey, how's your day?_

_Not bad beautiful. What about yours?_

_Well, it started off pretty amazing but you know me. I ended up in the ER getting a few stitches._

_WHAT? Are you okay? What did you do? Do you need me to come over there?_

_Whoa! Calm down! I'm fine. I just hit my chin when I slipped in the shower. I'll tell you about it later._

_My poor clumsy (wet) Bella!_

_I'll give YOU poor clumsy wet Bella! _

_Um, yes please! Mmmm…_

_Damnit, I walked into that one. Seriously though, I'm fine. . I should be out of here within 30 mins. I'll see you after your shift? I have something amazing to show you. _

_Sounds good, love you._

_Love you too._

"Bella Swan?" someone finally called and I turned to Charlie and told him he could finish the game as it would only take a few minutes for stitches. I entered a small hospital room where the nurse informed me the doctor would be seeing me in just a few minutes. I sat on the crinkly paper covering the uncomfortable examining bed and kicked my shoes back and forth against the metal, enjoying the quiet buzzing it induced in each leg as it hit.

About ten minutes later the curtain slid back and I exhaled a bit, thinking I'd still have time to pick Jake up and take him to the house if this doctor was quick about it.

I turned my head and let my eyes fall upon three men and one woman, each holding a clipboard except for the doctor in front, who seemed to be holding a thick manila folder. I was amused and embarrassed as I realized it was likely full of my medical history, but then I met the eyes of the doctor holding it.

Gold.

I swallowed hard, ignoring the pain that swiftly brought tears to my eyes. I could not look away from him, surely disclosing to the group of doctors accompanying him that I was very much familiar with this man.

_Carlisle._ Sonofabitch. What the hell was he doing here?

I head the group chuckle and realized I had spoken his name aloud.

His eyes changed minutely, and I assumed that it was only those intimately familiar with him who would have noticed. Otherwise, his face remained placid, his posture normal.

"Well hello Bella, it is lovely to see you again. Though, of course, not in this situation." He turned to the group of doctors behind him, "Some might say Ms. Swan keeps the hospital in business. As you can tell from her file, she's here often." He laughed,_ laughed_, as he said this.

Surely I was hallucinating. I must have hit my head harder than I imagined. This man, the man whom I had loved like a father, whom I had hoped to be a daughter to one day, was pretending like he hadn't left two years ago taking my heart with him. Instead he was laughing as if I'd seen him last week.

"Now, why don't you three take a look at Bella, put a bandage on her chin to stop the bleeding, and prepare her for an x-ray to make sure she doesn't have any broken bones while I tell our other colleague he will not be needed since he cannot seem to show up on time." Carlisle smiled a false, straight smile and turned on his heel.

"I don't have any broken _bones_." I growled at him while the three eager looking doctors, who I now understood to be interns, descended upon me. Carlisle stopped at my words and then without turning back, walked out of the door.

I lay back and took the opportunity to think clearly. If Carlisle was here, teaching nonetheless, that must mean one of two things. Either the Cullens were back permanently, or he was just in town for work. If it was the latter, I could fairly easily go on with my life pretending as if I had never seen him. But if it was the former, there was a chance I really did see Alice and Jasper in Port Angeles. And most importantly, Edward would be back.

I found myself unconsciously smoothing my hair, and straightening my shirt. And then I realized what I was doing and scolded myself. Did it even matter? If Edward cared, if he wanted to speak to me, he would have. Who knows how long they had been here. I knew they had to have left Forks for at least a year, because none of the Cullens ever came back to high school after that day and Forks High was the only high school in town. But if he was here now, he clearly did not want to see me. And if I was honest with myself, I was terrified of seeing him. What would it do to my newly found harmony?

Two hours later, I was sitting in the waiting room again waiting for the results of my x-ray. This time it was Carlisle alone who entered the room and closed the door behind him. I turned and faced the wall.

"Bella, it looks like you were right. You don't have any broken bones, so we will stitch you up and you can go home." He said as he made his way over to the bed where I sat. I did not answer. I could not even look at him.

He waited, apparently expecting me to respond.

"Bella," his voice a gentle attempt to woo me from my shell.

"Bella, I hope you know what happened so long ago was for the best. And besides, it's in the past now. There's no need for you to be angry with me any longer. I made the decision I thought was best for my son." I could hear the latex gloves he was putting on, smacking against his skin.

I turned to him, not fully understanding what he had said. "What?"

"Bella, you are a sweet girl, but Edward… he. Well… nevermind."

So it had been Carlisle's decision after all. And what did he mean I was a sweet girl _but_? _But _what!

Seeing the horror on my face he pushed the stool back and stood up.

"I've changed my mind. I hope you're not averse to it, but I'm going to have one of the interns do the actual stitching. This shouldn't be too difficult and it's a good way for them to get practice. Don't worry though, I have personally mentored him and he won't leave so much as a tiny scar," he was so close now I could feel his breath as he placed a few sterilized items on the tray next to the bed and walked back towards the door.

"Oh and Bella, just one more thing. Try to take better care of yourself, we'd hate to have to see you again in here." He walked out of the door.

If he were speaking to anyone other than me, this might have been seen as a sign that he cared about my well-being. But I knew better. I felt sick. I felt angry and sick. How is this the same man that used to invite me over to his house for dinner? Who had been so interested in my life, my future, my relationship with his son?

A million questions flew through my mind while I waited for the intern to come and stitch my chin. I thought of Jake and how we were so good together. How happy he made me and how terrified I was of fucking it up and disappointing him again. I decided that despite his desire for honesty and transparency in our relationship, this… _Carlisle_ needed to be dealt with and that door needed to be slammed back shut. Seeing him didn't change anything and I wouldn't let it make me bitter or ruin what I now had.

When the door opened again several minutes later, it was déjà-vu. The same gold eyes found mine when I looked up. But this time, there was something different about them. There was a youthfulness about them, and then I saw a coppery strand of hair fall into them.

_Nope, not real._

"Bella?" I heard my name echo through what seemed to be ten rooms between us, making it tinny and quiet. After what felt like ten years I realized this was reality and not some fantasy I had concocted in a fit of rage at Carlisle. There was sudden clarity and then the reaction I had least expected.

_What the…oh God…_

I felt the vomit in my throat before I had time to react. I leaned over the bed, not even attempting to reach a trash can or the sink before I felt my stomach push in that awful familiar way as I threw up what little I had in my stomach onto the hospital floor.

We could both blame it on the pain meds or the anticipation of the pain of receiving stitches, but as I looked up again at his face, that same face that the squirrel and I had seen turn cold and bitter in the woods two years ago, I knew we both understood these were not the reasons.

He, _Edward Cullen,_ here in Forks, in front of me, was the only reason there was puke on the shiny white hospital floor today.


	10. Needing

**A/N- Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

Wow, a chapter up in under a month. Who would have thought? This one's a rough one. Just stick with it and know that Bella's reaction might not be what we think ours would be, but I think these things are raw and therefore not always pretty or even understandable. Soooo… don't hate me.

Also, sweet lemonade in this chapter! Please enjoy at your own risk ;)

After what felt like forever, Edward and I broke eye contact and he left the room. After a few seconds he reemerged with a nurse on his heels and they both proceeded to put gloves on and carefully cleaned up my mess. I sat there shaking throughout everything, barely cognizant of what was occurring in front of me until the door closed and Edward stood at the foot of the hospital bed.

"Bella…I…," he paused, exhaled slowly, and slid his now ungloved hand through his disheveled hair. "I mean, it's lovely to see you," he finished.

I simply continued to gawk at him, but allowed myself to take in the sight of him. He looked the same, though there was a new and defiant sadness as clear as day in his eyes. The long white jacket hung haphazardly off of his shoulders, his black dress pants were wrinkled, and he wore what looked like black boots rather than the expected dress shoes. I found it disheartening that although it looked as if he had not slept in two days, he was still beautiful.

_Damnit. _ I thought for sure that after two years of my mind almost surgically constructing him into some sort of monster that if I were to ever see him again he would be somehow less appealing. And while this was not the case, the rage was there. I recognized it and grasped it in my hands. I fed it fuel until it finally consumed me, until the moment he laid his hand on my ankle and I saw the apology I never wanted begin to form on his lips.

I pulled my leg away from his touch and nearly spat at him when I growled, "Don't you fucking touch me." In less than a second I was out of the bed and pressed against the opposite wall with a finger pointed in harsh disdain towards his stupid fucking beautiful face.

The words began to pour from my mouth, and while I searched frantically for their place of origin, I instinctually understood that they came from some cave hidden deep within the core of my body, and I did not hinder their expulsion.

"Don't you dare apologize to me either. Don't you look at me with that pity in your eyes. You might have left me broken and empty but I am _not _that girl anymore. The one so desperate for your approval and love she would have run after you begging until her legs gave out and she died of disappointment and shame. So don't you dare presume to think I want your apologies or excuses anymore. They mean nothing to me."

I let my hand drop to my side and in a remote region of my mind, I understood that while my words had been big and scary, determined and brave, my body hid in the corner of the small overly lit room, curled in upon itself, _living_ the fear and confusion my words would not convey.

But I refused to cry.

I saw that Edwards face had fallen. Shame and guilt replaced excited and anxious. No doubt the nurses and doctors in the nearby hallway and rooms had heard my speech and I chided myself for allowing the whole of Forks to hear the rebuttal to my previous heartache. I chided myself mostly though for letting him see what he had done to me.

I had practiced it in the mirror, in the shower, in my dreams for months after he left. What would I say to him if I ever saw him again. At first I imagined I would melt into his embrace and latch myself onto his face whispering how much I had missed him and loved him, begging him to never leave me again. Eventually, these dream meetings evolved into biting anger, punches being thrown, and an oath being sworn to never forgive. Finally after having admitted my feelings for Jake, these pretend meetings with Edward became less and less frequent. I did it more for amusement than preparation. But they usually included a bit of gratitude for the way things turned out, and a cold shoulder of sorts, followed by a "Good day" at the end.

As embarrassing as it was that I had spent the better part of a year fantasizing about what I would say to him, I was eternally grateful for it now. I saw that I had worked my way through the grieving process in these encounters and had ended up in the acceptance phase. I felt like Freud.

"Bella, I would never pity you. Please, just hear me out. I… won't apologize, I promise, but I want you to know that…"

"…Edward." I cut him off. "Whatever it is you think you want to tell me, I don't want to hear it. But there is something you need to hear." I uncurled myself and walked to the bed, still remaining on the opposite side from him. I felt determined to show him that I had accepted what happened and that I was, in fact, better off for it.

"I'm in love with Jacob. We'll be married in a month." I said each word with purpose and confidence and I watched as they hit him. I waited for a response of shock that did not come.

"I know," he whispered, head still facing the ground.

Just then we both turned towards the door as we heard a booming "BELLLLAAAA!" coming from the nurse's desk, followed by loud footsteps.

Jake's voice was not to be mistaken. I suddenly became aware of my vulnerability. I felt naked, though I was still in socks, underwear and a wrap-around hospital gown.

The door opened and Jake's eyes met mine as a sigh of relief fled his lips. He walked over to me swiftly and gingerly wrapped his hulking arms around me, kissing me on the forehead. He seemed oblivious to Edward's presence.

"Bella, honey, what's the matter? You said you were going to be out nearly two hours ago. I got so worried I thought something was terribly wrong. Are you okay?" With each new sentence he stroked my hair gently and then kissed my hand at the end.

I didn't answer him, but instead looked around him, making sure to pull his eyes with mine.

Jacob turned and upon seeing Edward his fists clenched. Edward took a step backwards and put both hands up in front of him in a gesture of innocence.

"What the hell is going on here?" When I offered no response he asked more directly. "What the FUCK are you doing here Cullen?" Jacob had stepped in front of me and held his arms backwards, clearly in an attempt to protect me.

"Jacob, stop it. You don't need to mark your territory." I slid my hand up his arm and rubbed it reassuringly, before stepping around him and placing my hand into his. I placed my other hand on his bicep and looked up into his eyes before turning to Edward.

Edward's pain was only evident for a second before a mask of calm fell across his face.

"I believe congratulations are in order, Jacob. Bella told me of your upcoming nuptials," Edwards eyes left Jacob's and met mine, "Although to be fair, I'd heard of it before now." His voice cracked at the final word and he turned around, facing the sink. He gripped his hands on either side of the cabinet tightly.

"Bella, now that I think of it. It might be better if my colleague gives you your sutures. I'm terribly sorry you've had to wait so long for them, but I can give you some more pain medication if you'd like." He shuffled around in the cabinets for a moment before turning to me with papers in his hands.

"Please know I didn't come here to cause you any grief, either of you. But I won't say I'm not happy to see you again. And I won't pretend that I haven't thought of this moment, of seeing your face, every day since I left. I'm sorry Jacob, but it's true. I would say I am sorry but you've made it quite clear you're not interested in any of that so I'll just say goodbye." And with that, amid Jacob's loud protests, he left.

I eventually got my 12 stitches and after spending several hours in the hospital I was finally able to leave, ironically worse off than when I had entered.

Apparently Charlie had to leave on some emergency after Jacob had shown up so I had Jake drive me home. I knew it was detrimental to ask him for time alone as we pulled up to the house as it likely would have freaked him out even worse, so I said nothing as he opened my car door. I was feeling slightly delirious from the pain medication and had been speaking to myself on the ride home so I was not surprised that Jacob slipped his arms under my knees and around my back, lifting me and carrying me into the house. He set me down on the couch, wrapped a blanket around me turned on the T.V. before entering the kitchen. About five minutes later he came out with a cheese sandwich and a glass of water.

"Here babe, you should probably eat something." He placed the plate in front of me on the coffee table and sat down beside me. I took a few bites before slipping into a blissful sleep.

It must have been a few hours later when I awoke from my medicated sleep. I lifted my head from Jake's lap and saw that he had fallen asleep as well. The clock on the wall read nine o' five pm. I felt better, my chin was still in pain as the medicine had worn off but I felt clear-headed and prepared to battle the thoughts that would be flooding my brain. I decided not to wake Jacob and put my shoes on before writing him a quick note in case he woke up. I drove to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. On my way into the house I grabbed the mail and flipped through it.

_Bills for me, bills for Charlie, a save the date for Jessica and Mike…what? Already? A catalogue for Charlie and a letter for me. No stamp. Hmm. _

I placed the mail on the table by the door and headed towards the kitchen.

Jake slept until I finished dinner and I assume the smells of fettuccini alfredo lulled him from his dreams and into the kitchen.

"Honey. I should be cooking for you, not the other way around," he said groggily while hugging me from behind. He kissed my shoulder and tilted my chin up to examine my battle scar.

"Ugh, that bathtub put up one hell of a fight." He chuckled before loosening his grip on my waist and reaching into the cabinet for two glasses and two plates. He set the table while praising me for my cooking abilities.

"Jacob?" I asked.

"Mmhmm?"

"You haven't said a single word about what happened at the hospital since we left. Do you want to talk about it?" I flicked the stove off and removed the pasta from the heat.

He looked up at me, then down at the napkin he was folding, and said firmly, "No."

"Are you sure? I mean, it was pretty damn surreal, and I think it wouldn't hurt to talk about it." I was goading him. I wanted to know how he felt about it.

"Bella. It's like Bush said, if we change our whole lives because of this one terrible thing that happened, the terrorists win. And I don't want that. Do you want that?" He filled our glasses with water and placed them down on the table.

I dished the pasta out and placed the pan back on the stove."I'm confused. Do I want the terrorists to win? Noooo… . Do I think Edward is a terrorist? Um, nope. Do I think talking about him with you means he wins? Certainly not." I pulled my chair out at the same time Jacob did and we sat in unison beside one another.

"I just mean, if we talk about him, then, I don't know… then you start thinking about him again and I… well, you know what I mean." He took a sip of water and placed the glass back on the table.

"You what? You get jealous? You get angry? No, I don't know what you mean." My voice had raised an octave and I was beginning to feel unsettled in my stomach.

Jacob put his fork down and looked me squarely in the eye. "No. I lose you."

"What? You could never, Jacob, I wouldn't do that to you. I love you." I pushed my chair out and stood beside him, bent over.

I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and held his eyes for many moments. After a while he sighed and laid one hand over mine.

"I know you do. But part of you still loves him. And even if I lost that one part of you but kept the rest, I don't know what I'd do Bella." He turned his face and began to eat his pasta again.

I sat back in my chair and eventually finished my meal as well.

Jacob finally left around 11pm after helping me clean the kitchen.

He had work the following morning and I had school. I still had a quiz in French I needed to study for on top of laundry and a thorough cleaning of my desecrated bathroom.

As he was tying his shoes on the couch I stood in front of him. He asked if it would hurt if he kissed me.

I ran my hand through his hair and smiled before saying no.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his face to my stomach and then lifted my shirt slightly. He placed tender, purposeful kisses across my stomach as his hands slid up and down my back.

I had been so full of various emotions for the entirety of the day that it felt good to just relax into pleasure. He coaxed me down on top of him and I straddled his legs. He kissed my face, my eyes, my jaw, my nose, and finally my lips as he slyly unfastened my bra under my shirt. I felt the weight of my breasts fall as his hands slid around my ribs and cupped them in his hands, rubbing his fingers across my pert nipples. Hearing my exhalation he reached for my shirt and pulled it along with my bra tenderly over my head being careful not to touch my chin.

He left my shirt on the floor beside the couch and pressed his face into my chest, lapping at my nipples as he encircled my waist. I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him closer to me, encouraging the exploration he made with his tongue. I felt my hips begin to rock against him and I released him and tugged at his shirt until he allowed me to pull it over his head before resuming his position at my breasts. Our bodies rubbed and ground into one another until it was unbearable and he stood me up to take first my pants and then my blue and green polka dotted panties off.

He looked up at me and smirked before saying, "Hot" and sliding them off of my ankles.

I stood naked in front of him and in true tit for tat style he joined me and I helped unbutton his pants and slid them straight to the floor. He kicked them off and he kissed me, still gently, but thoroughly. His tongue caressed mine as his hands moved towards my ass.

I groaned as he cupped my cheeks and his breathing became labored. I felt his fully erect cock pressed against my stomach, spilling pre-cum near my navel. I loved knowing that I could do that to him, that he wanted me that badly.

I goaded him into sitting down on the couch before sitting down on top of him again. I rubbed myself against him until I became as slippery as he was. Our eyes met and we both knew this was not going to be like the first time. This was more need than anything else. I needed to assure him I was still there, still in love with him, and he needed to know I wasn't going anywhere.

He lifted me up in what I assumed was meant to be an attempt to situate me above his cock but I soon realized he was interested in something else. Soon I was practically standing on the couch looking down at him when all of the sudden he brought his face to my moisture and using all of his unusually long tongue he began to kiss and suck on my clit. His tongue entered me and I squealed with delight. I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled gently, which earned me a moan from him that sent waves through my body. His tongue worked on my while his fingers manipulated my clit in dangerously erotic ways. Within two minutes I was grinding myself into his face and yelling that I was going to come. For only a moment I felt unsure of the positioned until, at my revelation, he wrapped his arm around my waist and violently attached his mouth to my clit. I came hard until I was weak in my knees and afraid the neighbors might have heard.

I slid down his body until my tongue met his as we kissed voraciously. I felt my own wetness dripping off of his chin and onto my chest. He lifted me up and licked it up, savoring each drop of flavor. I would have laughed at his thoroughness but seeing him do it only added heat to the fire building in me once again.

I then began to lower myself down upon him, inch by inch. I slid onto him much more easily than I had the first time and with only the slightest bit of pain. Whatever pain I did feel was quickly eclipsed by the sensation of fullness and pure desire. He wrapped his giant hands around my waist, his thumbs nearly touching one another as they engulfed me, and began to pace us. I barely had to do any work as he held me up and brought me down whenever I wanted it.

As our pace quickened and my voice grew louder my breasts began bouncing in his face, a feeling I did not altogether dislike, but one I thought he might find uncomfortable.

I was wrong.

He nipped and sucked at my nipples at each pass and his moaning became louder and lower the more violently my breasts moved.

He let go of my waist and placed his thumb on my clit, circling vigorously as I rode him faster and fiercer with each rotation of my hips. Finally with my hands tangled deeply in his hair, one of his hands squeezing my ass and the other attached to my clit, he bit my nipple and we came simultaneously in an instant of unsurpassed pleasure.

He held me to him tightly for another few minutes as our breathing slowed and our rocking eased to a stop. I kissed his face again before lifting myself off of him (a movement we both groaned unhappily at). We cleaned up and he begrudgingly left knowing that Charlie would be home in only a half an hour.

I closed the door and smiled to myself. If sex with Jacob was that good, I doubted we would leave the bedroom our whole honeymoon.

On my way back from cleaning up the living room I noticed the letter on top of the mail pile addressed to me.

I ripped open the envelope and unfolded the golden colored letter. It was short, and part of it was in a different language.

EAC

My Bella,

Lei è come il sole: bello, feroce e appassionata.

Ma è anche il mio sostentamento per la vita,

e senza di lei c'è solo la morte.

Please, say you'll meet me in our place tomorrow. There are things still unsaid…

I did not say a word, did not dare to think a thought. I merely slid the letter back in the envelope, placed it in my pocket and walked towards my bedroom where I hid it inside of my desk to examine at a later date should I choose to do so.

I hated myself, but I felt like a robot, unable to do what I knew I should.

I allowed myself only the comfort of knowing that resistance was futile, before turning off the light and falling asleep.


	11. Asking

A/N- Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

Ohhhhhh geeze :)

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I slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning what seemed like every few minutes.

When I did manage to dream, they were bizarre, coming in flashes of clarity before fading into blackness.

I dreamt of a ghost who followed me as I walked through the forest behind our house. He did not speak, only watched me silently, from afar as I kept walking. I knew I should be afraid of him, and yet I was not.

Nervous, yes.

But he seemed to want only my company, and I yearned for him to come closer. I wanted him to glide across the fallen leaves and mossy logs, closing the space that lay between us so that I might look into his eyes a little closer and understand his reasons for being in the woods with me. And when it seemed as though he might finally come to me, Rollins- a dog I played with as a child, ran between us howling and urged me on towards an opening in the forest where I found two trails, both leading into darker woods, both drastically different, but somehow equally appealing.

I awoke then, confused, annoyed, and full of self-pity. Surprisingly however, I didn't feel this way from the dream… my chin just hurt like a _bitch_. I lifted my fingers to my face and ran them gently over the stitches, before cursing myself for lacking enough grace to even exit a shower without falling. I took the two Advil I had wisely laid out the night before with a glass of water and prayed that the pain went away before my test later this morning.

Grabbing my French flashcards from my bedside table, I turned on the light and adjusted my pillows. I had set my alarm an extra 30 minutes early so that I could get some much needed studying in. I had yet to make anything under an A- in the class thus far and refused to let my average fall, even if sex with Jacob was the greatest thing since dishwashers.

The test was difficult, but I was thankful for that extra cram session I had this morning. I had to go into work for a few hours today and managed to make it all the way through the door before remembering the letter from EAC still stuffed in my desk drawer.

Chuck greeted me from behind the desk, clearly choosing to ignore the queasy look as it appeared on my face.

"BELLA! How was your day with your dad?" He said through a giant cheesy smile.

"Ummm, great actually. I take it you survived without me," I quickly added, thankful for an excuse to push thoughts of the letter from my mind.

"Yes. Now that you mention it, we won't be needing you anymore as we've decided you are really more of a pain in the ass than anything else around here." He put the pencil he had been writing with behind his ear and turned to face me as I walked around the counter.

"Har. Har. I'll be sure to keep that in mind next time my dad picks your pervy kid up for shoplifting feminine products." I grabbed the chart beside the door and smirked at him over my shoulder before settling in to read about the new arrivals.

"Yeahhhh, about that. Can we just keep that between the two of us? I'm embarrassed enough without the rest of the guys here knowing about it." He pulled the brim of his hat down until it barely covered his eyes.

"You keep my pain in the ass around here for a while and I'll see what I can do." I put my hand on his shoulder and patted it twice in lieu of a handshake cementing our agreement before returning back to the chart.

"Swan- you know you leaving us would be the end of this little clinic," he said before walking into the back room.

I smiled to myself as I flipped to the second page.

_One owl, a coyote, and… a grizzly?_

This had to be wrong. There is a family of grizzlies on the property but they never get into trouble and we sure as hell wouldn't have them here, would we? I walked through the door and into the back room after Chuck, still holding the chart. The rest of the group was washing up and gathering surgical equipment.

I read the page over quickly again before saying, "Boys, this can't be right. Tell me we don't have a grizzly just hanging out back here." I said with a laugh while flipping through the pages.

My comment was met with silence and I slowly raised my head. Todd, Danny, James, and Chuck had each stopped what they were doing to look up at me.

"Um, actually Bells- yeah. He's back in room four. Todd is prepping for some emergency surgery on him and we're all getting ready to help out in case he needs us," said Danny.

"Emergency surgery? What the hell happened? It's not hunting season and even if it were, no one is stupid enough to shoot a grizzly with the fine they'd be slapped with," I said surprised.

"We don't think it was a hunter, at least not a human one. His neck is… ripped open by what must have been another bear. He's lost a lot of blood though. We'll fill you in if you want to scrub up and head in," James added.

"Hell yes I do!" When was I going to get to be that close to a grizzly again?

Three hours later I gladly exited the cramped, warm room and made my way towards the restroom. I had gotten over my queasiness after the first hour, and with much determination, moved into the purely fascinated phase.

After being the only woman on staff for so long, I learned to hide any sign of weakness or else I would be brutally picked on by the guys for eternity. I learned this after a day last summer when a doe had been shot by accident and brought into the clinic. After about two seconds of looking at her Todd realized she was pregnant. The mother died but somehow Todd managed to save the fawn after several hours of surgery. The gore was unbelievable, and Danny threw up almost immediately after the c-section began. Of course, he learned his lesson and has managed to hold his stomach since then, but the guys, and I have to admit, even I have from time to time, ragged on him mercilessly for it.

I shed my gloves, mask, and wrap before washing my face with cool water. The bear would live and I found an image of my face, dripping with water, smiling back at me in the mirror despite everything.

I turned my phone on and saw I had a missed text from Jake.

_**Babe, I was thinking maybe you could come over after work tonight? Billy's gone for a few days… just us?**_

My heart leapt at the thought of just Jake and I alone for the whole night. I began to reply with a confirmation, before I remembered Edward's letter.

_Shit._

_**I have something to take care of first. I'll call you when I'm done. XO**_

I wasn't lying. I was going to make Edward understand that I was with Jake now, and no amount of sweet talking or hundred dollar stationary sets was going to change that. Jake didn't need to know I was meeting him, because all that mattered was the outcome.

I clocked out and grabbed my jacket from the rack before jumping in the truck and heading towards home. Edward hadn't even left a time to meet so I decided I would walk to our place in the woods and if he wasn't there then it was for the best anyways.

I got home a few minutes later and decided to walk straight into the woods rather than leave myself any more time to think about it. My black Chucks were a bad choice for a short hike. It had been raining for close to two weeks solid and the grounds were proving to be a battlefield for me. I was slipping and sliding with each step, nearly decapitating myself with a low-hanging branch.

Eventually I made it to the edge of the opening and felt a strange sense of déjà-vu. I quickly looked over my shoulder expecting to see the fair-haired ghost boy, following me in the shadows. Of course, he was not there so I trudged on. The wildflowers that grew so freely here in the Spring and Summer had not yet begun to grow and instead, the ground lay barren and cold. I saw the tree I had spent so much time under with Edward, come into view and I braced myself before drawing my eyes down to its base.

He was there, his back against the trunk, legs curled against his chest, arms on the tops of his knees, and hands deeply enmeshed in his copper hair. He looked so different from yesterday, which now seemed to be a lifetime away. He wore a faded green jacket, dark jeans, and a tight white t-shirt.

Edward- casual. _Interesting._

Eventually he heard my footsteps and turned his head to face me, before standing up abruptly and brushing the back of his pants off. His hair, which was standing straight up, was swiftly combed down into place with his fingers. _Those fingers…_

"Bella…" He said my name as though his soul was exhaling it after holding it in for a long time: like the pull of a cigarette, or an inhaler.

I stopped several steps short of him, unwilling to stand under that tree another time with him.

"Edward." I said severely.

"Thank you for coming, I admit, I was a bit afraid you wouldn't. " He smiled, but then ducked his head. Edward was not used to admitting fear, let alone entertaining the notion that someone might stand him up.

"Don't get your hopes up. I'm not here to fall at your feet and make us sparkly new again." I pulled my hands out of my pockets and uncrossed my legs in an attempt to appear firm and powerful- neither of which I felt at that moment.

"I know," he whispered and closed his eyes, "…that's my job." At this he walked slowly forward and fell to both knees in front of me.

Out of confusion, I took a step back before huffing in indignation.

_What the hell was happening? This was getting out of control. I was supposed to be saying some words, he would say some back, and then we would both leave. Case closed._

He inched forward to make up the space I had created, and wrapped his arms around the back of my legs, pulling me into him. He placed his face against my stomach and made the strangest sound.

I stood there, in shock, as I listened to what appeared to be crying coming from Edward. No, it was not crying. It was the sound of a man breaking from the inside out.

Between the low whines I heard words spilling out from his mouth, muffled against my clothing.

"_Please Bella…. _

_I can't see you with him…. _

_I need you…. _

_Can't live without you… _

_my father…. _

_Was wrong…. _

_Just… _

_Tell me what you want me to do and…. _

_I will do it… _

_I will be what you want me to be… _

_I swear…_

I swear_." _

I tried to maintain my composure. I tried to think of something else, of the way the ocean water cooled my skin in the summer. Of the French homework I still needed to do. Even childhood memories of Charlie and I fishing. But nothing drew away the sting of his words and so I cried.

My body heaved with each gasp of air and rid itself of the guilt, shame, and love that it had been quietly harboring inside of itself for years now.

I stood that way for what must have been thirty minutes, too confused to respond, too upset by what I was hearing and feeling. I felt him breathing me in deeply, his back shaking violently until it slowed to a quiet shudder before he finally slid down my legs and placed his hands in the mud at my feet. We had yet to look into one another's eyes and with the sun beginning to set, it wouldn't even be an option soon.

"Bella, please." He finally whimpered at my feet.

At this, the sound of raindrops marched towards us across the forest. I watched as the sheets of rain grew closer and closer until finally encompassing both our forms.

The skies too had been moved by his pleading.

I looked down to watch Edward's reaction as the rain fell around him, but there was none. He sat there in the mud, no doubt ruining his designer clothing, head still hung in defeat as raindrops now made rivulets in his hair. I felt the rain tickle my nose as it ran its course, finally falling off the end onto the ground before us. I looked over to the tree we could have easily found shelter under but did not move towards it. Instead, I straightened my shoulders out and decided to speak.

"Edward. I wanted to hear those words, dreamed about those words, ached for those words for months after you left. Why am I hearing them now? Where were you? Why did you leave me? And why are you back after all of this time?" I had to raise my voice because of the rain and my questions came out more angry than I intended them to because of it.

He sat back on his feet and finally looked up to me. I stood, staring down at him, realizing that for once I was the powerful one, though no matter how much I had glamorized it in my mind over the years, it was a position I hated now that I was in it. His face was as wet as the rest of him, though I couldn't tell whether it was from tears or raindrops and I reached down to wipe his cheek off, a movement that seemed ridiculous when put into perspective, but one that showed humanity, a quality Edward had lacked when he had been the one with all of the power. I had not forgotten this.

I slowly lowered myself to the ground and sat on my feet across from him, both hands now folded in my lap. I was already in a muddy puddle emotionally, I might as well he in one physically.

He shook his head. "There's so much you won't understand."

"Tell me anyways." I whispered back.

He cleared his throat and wiped his face off on his sleeve.

"My dad, he just expects me to be something I can't be." His eyes were pleading with me to leave it at that, knowing full well I wouldn't.

"You're going to have to do better than that Cullen." I answered back. My phone beeped and I knew I had a new text from Jake, but I hit the silence button without taking it out of my pocket. I didn't allow myself to feel guilty as I knew I would have to tell him about this anyway.

"I'm not who you think I am. _We're_ not who you think we are." He leaned back and brought his feet around his body, pulling his legs in tightly again and wrapping his arms around them.

"…and I have to be this person. It's impossible for me to escape it."

"Edward, you don't have to be anyone you don't want to be. And your father… I mean, you're an adult now. He can't make you do anything anymore." I squished my eyebrows together in confusion. The rain had soaked through my hair and I was momentarily thankful I had not worn mascara today.

"No, Bella. You don't understand. I wish I could explain it to you, there are all of these restrictions on me. My father decided you were not good for me. He said, 'Edward, she is not to be your mate. She is below you.' And I pleaded with him, Bella I promise, I fought him for you, but he moved us away and allowed me to see you only to say goodbye." I saw him breathing deeply and watched as the clouds of breath exited his lungs.

"You cannot possibly believe me dumb enough to think you couldn't have called or written. That your father had you under such lock and key that you couldn't have even told me the truth when he did let you come to me?" I chided him.

He was silent for a moment. The rain continued to pound around us and the darkness had quickly engulfed us. We were sitting in a puddle, and the chill in the air was sinking into my bones. I noticed all of this, but refused to move. I had been waiting too long for the answers to these questions and I was too close now to leave due to mere physical discomfort.

"You're right, but I truly believed I was doing the best thing for you. My father had convinced me and I thought if I just broke it off cleanly it would make it that much easier for you to get over me. I deluded myself into thinking you were better off without me anyways." He ran his muddy hands through his hair before realizing his mistake and shuddered.

I scoffed at this.

"How presumptuous of you Edward, to assume that you knew what was best for me. I already have a father. I do not and did not need another one." I spat at him.

He reached out towards my hand and I pulled it back from him. He sat forward and tried again, successfully finding it this time and pulling it to his face. He cupped my hand over his cheek and kissed my palm as I attempted to pull away in vain.

"Bella, I'm sorry. But, if you wanted to, if you could forgive me, you could be with me. We are moving back to Europe once this residency is complete to live near my father's family and you could come too. We could marry in Italy under a starry sky, Bella. My life would be complete if you were in it. If I could be with you each night and each morning." He smiled at me and I began to interrupt.

"Italy? Move to Europe? Ed-" but he cut me off.

"Yes! Italy! I can work it out with Carlisle, I know I can. He let me come back for my residency because he saw how miserable I was without you." He pleaded.

"How long have you even been in Forks, Edward? A residency- that's like, a whole year?" The answer was really beside the point, but I wasn't ready to answer him yet so I prodded on.

"I've been here for two months Bella. But I heard about you and Jacob and I, I heard you were happy and I thought that I could at least be happy knowing you were happy with someone else. I intended to leave in a week and find a different hospital to finish the residency at, but then- there you were. Bloody and beautiful standing in the hospital room and I knew I couldn't leave without you. We could move to Italy and you and I could live like king and queen. I could give you a huge house, a giant diamond ring, designer clothes, anything you wanted!" The hope emanated from him.

"These things you promise me Edward- these things do not equal love. It is as if you don't even know who I am. Look at me Edward. Really look. Have you ever truly seen me? I have plain silver hoops in my ears. My hair is in a ponytail with rain, mud, and most likely grizzly bear fur in it." He cocked his head to the side as I said this last bit, and then shrugged his shoulders slightly.

I continued, "I have a jacket on that my father wore twenty years ago, and I live in a three bedroom house that has more than enough room for Charlie and I. I don't need these extravagant things you speak of. I've never needed them. The fancy gifts you used to give me, the lavish dinners you took me to, I didn't care about them. And I would hate to live like a queen if it meant that my husband and father-in-law had the right to rule over me." I was flailing my arms about like a crazy woman in an attempt to support my point. He laughed gently at me before placing his hands on my arms in an attempt to settle them.

"Okay, okay. Then we can live like paupers. We can only shop in, what do you call them? Thrift stores, and you can keep wearing your father's jacket if it makes you happy. Just tell me you will be with me and I can tell you everything. I know we could be happy there together." He leaned in to me, wrapping his hand in my hair and closing his eyes. When I realized what he was attempting, I swiftly turned my head and felt his cold lips press into my cheek.

He played it off, rubbing his nose gently against my skin and whispering in my ear,"I know you still want me. I never stopped loving you and I know you never stopped loving me." He kissed my cheek again and sat back searching the grass for something I could not see. Only a few seconds later he put one leg out, bent in front of him so that he was kneeling on the other and presented me with a ring made of grass blades tied together.

"Marry me, Bella. Please be my wife" he whispered and waited for my answer.


	12. Dreading

_A/N- All things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer._

_- Twice in 24 hours? I KNOW! Please forgive any spelling/grammar- my priority was to get this posted for you!_

_Anyways, about last chapter... yeah. One of the goals I had for this story was to steer clear of what so many other writers feel they need to do, which is to demonize the "other" so that they can emphasize that the "only logical" choice is one specific character. In other words, in my opinion, Bella doesn't need to hate Edward in order to choose Jacob and vice versa. Edward doesn't have to be an asshole for Jacob to look like a good guy, etc. In real life, such decisions are rarely so clear cut, and such characterizations are rarely so black and white. _

_I thought recognizing this was one of Stephanie Meyer's greatest strengths in her writing. _

_I hope this turns out like you want it to... but if not, eh, oh well. :)_

* * *

"No." I said quietly as I kept my eyes on the little grass ring.

"No?" he asked.

"No." I let that word hang in the air for a moment before continuing.

"I love Jake. I'm wearing Jake's mother's grandmother's ring. I can't marry you Edward, I'm sorry. I… just can't." Tears now found their way to my eyes and I swiped at them angrily while standing up as quickly as possible, needing to put space between us.

I walked back towards the house, breaking into a run as I neared the edge of the forest.

"Bella. You don't mean that. You're crying! You wouldn't be crying if you really meant it! Bella! Bella, please!" His voice made its way to me through the dark heavy raindrops and my steps momentarily faltered. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him still kneeling in the mud, his hand once again finding its way to his wet hair.

I picked my pace up again and ran as fast as the mud allowed me. There was less sliding this time than there was the first, but much more splashing. I was covered in dirt and completely soaked through before I began my trip home, so as I reached the backdoor I kicked my shoes off and peeled each article of clothing off, leaving them on the back deck before finding solace in the dry warmth of the house.

I knew Charlie wouldn't be home yet so I ran through the house naked and up to the shower. I had implicit directions from the doctor to not get my stitches wet, but seeing how that was already shot, I turned on the hot water, yanked my hair tie out and stepped gingerly into the shower. I noticed Charlie had installed larger, more obnoxious flowers on the bottom of the bathtub and I realized I had developed, at last, a newfound respect and appreciation for them.

I melted into the hot water, allowing it to nearly scald my chilled skin and reveled in the steam already beginning to fill the bathroom. I decided to shave my legs and armpits before thinking about what the hell had just happened. I shaved my right leg and then slowly finished my left. The longer I took, the longer I could pretend as if my entire world hadn't just been turned upside down and dumped open like a purse in the hands of a curious two year old. I applied shampoo to my hair and finally allowed myself the room to think.

Edward had seemed genuine. He reminded me of the boy he was when we first met: romantic, kind, and completely blind to the way his actions affected others. And while I had said no, I needed to admit to myself that, for just a fraction of a moment, I had wanted to say yes. Despite the long distance, the less-than-welcoming father-in-law, and the ill-timed proposal, I had allowed myself to momentarily imagine being with him again. And that knowledge shook me to my core.

Jake was probably at his house waiting for me to call him and tell him when I could come over to spend the night. He was probably thinking of me at the very moment that Edward was proposing to me. I felt sick just thinking about it.

I thought back to Jacob's proposal and how different it was from Edward's.

Jacob had called me that morning and asked me out on "a proper date." He said I should wear something nice, "like that yellow sundress thingy you have," and to tell Charlie that Billy expected him over that afternoon for some fishing. I remember thinking nothing of it, except that Jacob even mentioning my clothing was slightly odd.

When I got out of bed I told Charlie over breakfast about my plans (and his) for the day and we both decided it made more sense to ride to La Push together in the cruiser. I went about my morning, picking my clothing out, showering, and getting ready for the date until finally Charlie called me down and said he was ready to head out. I walked down the stairs grabbing my white cardigan from the banister, only to find Charlie waiting for me at the bottom. He had his fishing gear in hand, and his vest already on, but he was looking at me in the oddest way, as if it were prom and he was waiting to threaten my date.

"Dad, what's up with you?" I asked, smirking.

"You, uh, you look good Bells," he grunted before leaning over and kissing my forehead.

"Ummmm, thanks I guess. What's with the…"

"…Nothing. Nothing, I, well, I just hope you have a good time with Jake today is all." He turned from me, clasping the cooler laying at his feet and heading towards the door.

We arrived at Billy's house and Jake met me at the door, wearing khakis and a black dress shirt. It took me by surprise as I had been so accustomed to him going shirtless and wearing only shorts. But, he looked good. I mean, _good_ good.

I whistled jokingly before saying, "Wow, Jake. You sure do clean up nicely."

He grinned, did a turn, and walked over to me before wrapping his arms around me and lifting my feet off of the ground, twirling us both at the same time.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. My Bella. This is my favorite dress. You're my sun." He slowly lowered my feet down to the ground and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

"I figured your request for something 'like my yellow sundress thingy' was a mere disguise for you wanting me to actually wear 'my yellow sundress thingy.' So what are we doing today all dressed up?" I slid my hand into his and leaned into his side.

"I actually thought we'd go for a nice walk." He said, still grinning and attempting to inconspicuously glance down my dress.

"I see you Jacob Black! And my father is right through that window." I punched his arm and pretended to be offended by his ogling.

We went on our way, walking through the main streets of the reservation, which of course meant that every person we passed initiated a conversation with Jacob, and after a while we found ourselves off the beaten path and nearing an area I had never been to before.

"Jake, where are we going? I'm actually getting a little hungry. Should we head back towards the house?" I asked.

"There's a place just ahead I want to take you before heading back. Okay?" He wrapped his arm around my back. "I'll carry you if your feet are tired."

"No, it's okay. I'm fine." I replied honestly.

We rounded a bend and saw a horse with his reigns wrapped around a tree, but no rider was in sight.

"Jake, whose horse is that? Should we tell someone?" I was concerned, but things on the rez were so much different than in Forks and I wasn't quite sure if this was common practice or not.

"Actually, it's Sam's horse. He said I could borrow it for the day. You interested?" He unwrapped the reigns and stroked the horse's nose before hoisting himself up onto the horse's bare back and holding his hand out for me.

"Yes! I'd love to, but can he hold both of us?" I was nervous for the horse; Jake was no little guy.

He chuckled and then promised me 'August Rain' would be fine. I hopped up on the horse and sat behind Jacob, wrapping my arms around his waist and breathing in his warm skin. We rode for only about 10 minutes before we stopped. I peeked around Jake and saw that we were now at the top of a small hill, overlooking the ocean. There was an old green quilt laid out with a bundle of wildflowers in the middle. A picnic basket lay beside the quilt and it was all beside a fallen log, bleached white from the summer sun.

Jake dismounted the horse and wrapped both hands around my waist, pulling me down from the horse and cradling me in his arms. He carried me to the quilt before laying me down tenderly.

I was overwhelmed with surprise.

"Jake, this is beautiful. Really. How did you do this? Is there real food in there?" I pointed at the basket.

"Actually, Billy and Charlie helped out. And of course there's real food in there! I know you so well I even packed some Reece's Pieces." He reached over and lifted the lid, pulling the container of my favorite candy out and handing it to me. I opened it up and had a few bites so that the incessant growling in my stomach would lessen before closing the container and finally taking in the sight of the ocean.

After a few quiet moments he turned to me and held my hand.

"Bella. I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you in that white sunhat your parents used to make you wear at the beach."

"Oh my God that thing was awful, wasn't it?" I laughed.

"Nah, it might have been a little goofy, but it was protecting you. You don't need it anymore though because I want to protect you. I want to be that goofy thing that takes care of you for the rest of your life." I noticed a bead of sweat dripping from his hairline as his hands fidgeted in his lap.

"Jake. I don't need a protector, I …"

"…Bella! Please, please for all that is holy, let me finish?" He was laughing now at my pout, but he reached over into the basket and then turned in such a way that positioned him on one knee.

"Ohhhhhhh!" I said, finally understanding the importance of the dress, his shirt, the horse, and the picnic.

"I want to share my life with you. I want to share my culture, my heritage, my family with you. I want you to be the mother of my children, and I want to walk with you to this spot over and over again throughout our lives. I want to make you happy, I want to make love to you until you beg me to stop…"

"..Jake!" I squealed!

"… I know, but it's true! I want to be your husband, Bella. I've asked Charlie and he gave us his blessing. Please, Bella. Quil-clout-lay." He kissed me and opened his hand where a simple, emerald ring lay in his palm.

I inhaled deeply, careful to appreciate the moment, the presentation he had spent so much time putting together.

"Oh Jacob… yes. Whatever that meant, yes." He took my hand and slid the ring onto my ring finger before kissing it and wrapping his arms around me. We fell to the quilt and I lay on top of him, kissing him passionately on his lips, chin, neck and chest. We both laughed and cried simultaneously until we fell quiet, happily drinking in the setting sun and the crashing of the waves.

"Jacob, where did you get this ring? It's perfect." I asked after we had eaten, packed up, and were riding the horse back to Sam's place.

"It was my great-grandmother's. My dad tells me she was just like you. Stubborn as hell, the kind of girl that would interrupt a man's proposal to her." He ducked his head awaiting the inevitable swat from me while we both giggled. "My great-grandfather proposed with those same words, and my grandfather, and father as well. It's a tradition." He explained.

"What did it mean?" I asked.

He leaned over and whispered it in my ear, before stealing a kiss from me.

"I love you Jacob. I have never been more happy in my entire life than I am at this moment," I said, twirling my fingers in his dark hair and kissing his back.

Back at the house Charlie, Billy, Jessica, and a few more people were waiting with champagne in hand ready to toast our engagement. Charlie cleared his throat and turned around briefly for what appeared to be an eye wipe, before holding his glass in the air and making a speech.

"I'm not one for speeches, but I just wanted to say to my baby girl that I would never have agreed to this if it were anyone less deserving. And to Jake, make her happy- or else." The small crowd burst into laughter and clinked glasses before sipping their drinks and passing out hugs.

I dried my hair, grabbed some jeans and a t-shirt, put on minimal make-up and packed a light bag for the evening. I wasn't sure if Jake would want me to stay after I told him what had happened, but I wanted to be prepared just in case. I texted Jake so he knew I was on my way.

_**Leaving the house now. B there in 25 minutes.**_

_**K. Can't wait to see you.**_

I left a note for Charlie telling him I'd be back tomorrow and hopped in the truck. I practiced what I would tell Jake, how it might sound, and what he might say in return during the drive to the rez. I wondered if he would hate me for seeing Edward, for putting myself in a situation that could have been difficult for me to get out of easily, or if he would be gracious enough to understand my need for complete closure.

Is that what I got though? Did I get closure? I certainly got some of the answers to questions I had been asking for years, but somehow, even more questions seemed to find their way into my head now.

Was Edward the monster I had made him out to be in my mind? What else was he not telling me? Why did Carlisle think I was "below" Edward? Was it Charlie's modest income, my generic looks, or my destiny to graduate from a community college that made him so disapproving of our relationship? These were the thoughts still running through my mind.

I knew I had a lot of apologizing to do to Jacob, and almost more importantly, I had a lot of restraining to do as well. Jacob would surely want to seek Edward out and beat the shit out of him for today. And while part of me entertained the thought of allowing him, I knew it would only cause trouble for Jake- and truly, did I hate Edward enough to support Jake's beating of him? The answer was a firm no. Even Jake had understood a part of me would love Edward for the rest of my life. And clearly, if my response to his gut-wrenching cries earlier today proved anything, it was that I still felt connected to him in a profound way.

I neared the boundary of La Push and passed the few shops on the main street. I waved to Paul, and Seth who were walking around with two pretty girls on their arms. I passed Lacy and Jared's house and waved back to them as they sat on the swing in their front yard. Momma Abey was rocking on the porch with her granddaughter Rose, and Thomas Thunderbird was still working on his truck after rigging up extra lighting. We waved to one another and smiled pleasantly. These people had become my family and while I was usually thrilled to see them, their appearance in my drive to Jacob's only proved to further turn my stomach. I felt as though I had not only disappointed Jacob, but disappointed each one of them as well.

Eventually my truck tires found their way onto Jacob's gravel driveway. My headlights flashed into Jacob's living room windows. I parked the car, grabbed my bag, and took one last look in the review mirror. I breathed deeply and then exhaled slowly.

"Come on Bella. You put yourself in this mess, now get out of it." I whispered to myself.

I opened the door and met Jacob on the front porch.

"Hey babe, where have you been today? I was expecting you a few hours ago." He wrapped his arms around me and smelled my hair.

"I freaking love the way you smell." He kissed my cheek and then grabbed the bag from my shoulder, opening the front door and holding it for me. I ducked under his arm and entered the house. There were several candles lit throughout the small living room and the kitchen smelled like… baked beans and hot dogs?

"Jake, did you make dinner?" I asked awestruck.

"I did! Now, before you go crazy, take a second to lower your expectations. It's me, I cooked some baked beans, some hot dogs and put a bagged salad in a bowl. It's not going to be even remotely as delicious as your dinners usually are." He said.

"Oh Jake, I'm sure it will be great. But, I have to ask…"

"…before you say anything, YES, I drove all the way to Forks to get you those ridiculous looking vegetarian hot dogs." He cocked his eyebrow, smirked and tapped his cheek in an attempt to goad me into kissing him. It worked.

"Why, aren't you just the bestest fiancé I ever did meet," I said in my best faux Southern belle accent.

"I do try, Madame." He replied, putting my bag on Billy's old recliner, and grabbing my hand to lead me towards the kitchen. He pulled my chair out and asked me about work. I was happy to put our conversation on hold for another few minutes so I filled him in on the grizzly bear, sparing the gory details as he was serving me dinner.

We ate what was a surprisingly good meal and he asked questions about the bear and then filled me in on his day.

"…Then Quil looked at me and said, 'Dude, that skunk will rue the day he crossed my path. I will hunt him, his children, and his grandchildren until his entire bloodline is wiped from this land.' But the best part was the seriousness of his voice. Quil cried when his car hit a squirrel last year. He could never kill a skunk, let along skunk grandchildren? I laughed at him for like, an hour after that just imagining him hiding in the woods for days with a BB gun or something." He laughed heartily at this last image.

I found myself laughing with him despite the dread still sitting in my stomach like a lead ball.

"I'm glad you had such a good day." I said standing up and clearing the table. I cleared the dishes and put them into the washer before turning to him and leaning against the sink.

"Hey, listen. I have to talk to you about something." I placed the dishtowel on the counter and crossed my legs in front of me, looking at the ground.

"Bells," Jake said, standing and crossing the kitchen with a sly grin on his face before stopping in front of me and putting his hands on each side of my waist. He leaned in to kiss me, slowly, gently, but firmly.

"I was thinking we could go outside and make a bonfire, just the two of us. We could bring a few blankets out and curl up and watch the stars. I picked up some marshmallows if you wanted to make some s'mores too." He kept kissing me every few words and his legs spread so that my legs were now between his. My breathing became labored as his hands crept up my ribs and his thumbs touched the sides of my breasts.

"Jake…" I whispered, "I… really do have to talk to you about something." I arched my back and my head tilted back as his lips found my neck and he pressed himself into me.

"I know. And I want to talk to you about it. But I really, really, want to make that fire outside and lay down with you first." He leaned down further trailing kisses down my neck before laying a final one between my breasts. I moaned as I felt him harden against me. Before I could enjoy it though, Jake pushed off from the counter and quickly exited the kitchen yelling over his shoulder, "I'll have the fire started in a few minutes, grab some blankets, and the stuff for s'mores from the pantry and meet me outside!"

I huffed jokingly and stood up walking to the pantry to fish out the marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers. I grabbed a few of the blankets from various rooms and closets and headed outside to meet Jake. As promised the fire was already blazing and he was gleaning two sticks for the perfect marshmallow roasters.

We enjoyed a s'more or two and then heard a few small noises coming from the woods behind the house. Jake thought it might be the skunk coming to finish the job on him and I laughed until my stomach hurt at the thought of it. We fell back on the blankets and wrapped ourselves into one another.

We kissed one another letting our tongues entwine, and before I even realized it my shirt was over my head and my jeans were laying beside the blankets. Jake was holding himself over me, kissing my stomach, my thighs, my shoulders- worshipping my body by the light of the fire. In return I set about trying to disrobe him every time he came up for a breath. I grappled with his shirt, unzipped his pants, and tugged forcefully at his boxers. My hips were gyrating against him and despite the cold weather my cheeks were burning with heat. He rolled onto his back after I had successfully removed his clothing, pulling me on top of him. He unhooked my bra and slid my underwear down my legs, lifting me up until he could reach my breasts, taking each nipple into his mouth and tugging on it before turning to the next and doing the same.

Luckily Jacob's neighbors lived far enough away to make hearing me unlikely, because my voice rose into the night air and mingled with the smoke from the logs in the fire beside us.

He slid back down his body kissing his mouth and allowing my hands to wind into his hair. I continued my way back down his body and felt my nails scratching down his chest and across the muscles of his stomach before I reached the dark trail of hair I had been seeking. I kissed every inch of skin from his navel down and settled myself between his legs taking in the sight of him. The light from the fire danced across his body and made his dark skin even more warm and inviting. I lowered my head and began licking him from the base of his cock slowly winding my tongue up to the tip, while gently massaging his balls with my left hand. When my tongue reached the tip, it swirled around the head slowly at first and then faster and faster, teasing him until I heard him beg for me to take it completely into my mouth. When I finally did, I wrapped my right hand around his shaft and stroked him while turning as well.

Finally, as my hand met the tip, I brought my mouth to him and slid his cock further and further into my mouth. Jake hissed, and his hands pushed my hair out of my face, bringing stray strands behind my ears. I looked up at him while he still filled my mouth and met his eye. He groaned before biting his lip and closing his eyes in concentration. I felt a trickle of my own moisture drip down my thigh, and fought the urge to reach down and touch myself while pleasuring him.

I brought my mouth back up to the tip allowing my hand to follow suit and continued with the motion until Jake's sounds became louder and more urgent. At the moment I presumed him to be on the precipice I gently pulled on his balls and released his cock from both my mouth and my hand.

"Ohhhh sweet Jesus, Bella!" Jacob exclaimed as I giggled innocently.

He had his hands in hair and he was breathing deeply in and out, his cock, harder than I had ever seen it, lay stiffly against his stomach.

"Get up here, you." He growled at me, licking his lips and sitting up far enough to catch both of my hands in his and pull me forward. We heard a twig snap in the woods and a rustle of leaves, which momentarily caused me to catch my breath.

"I saw a few deer our there earlier. No worries babe." Jacob whispered before locking lips with me and rolling me onto my back.

"My turn." He said grinning devilishly and tweaked my nipples between his giant fingers. He then brought his hands to my ribs and under my back until his palms were against my skin and sliding down to my waist. He licked down my body, teasing me as I had him, and lifted my hips so that I was tilted. He too enjoyed the way the fire lit our bodies and then lowered his mouth to my center, flicking my clit with his tongue before conversely sucking and nipping at it. He slid two fingers into me and then lifted his head, meeting my eye.

"You are already ready for me, aren't you, you minx?" he joked.

"I could be persuaded to stay this way for a few more minutes though…" I hinted.

He immediately brought his mouth back down to my body and taking his fingers out of me, he replaced them with his tongue. I felt it enter and exit my body quickly as his free hand began to put swift pressure on my clit. It was the single greatest physical pleasure I had ever experienced and I felt the force of it arch my back until it was totally off of the ground and Jacob was helping to support me.

He lifted his head and said, "I want to taste your orgasm Bella. Please." He begged before continuing where he left off. Only a few seconds later I felt a twinge in my hardened nipples that traveled to my stomach and up my legs, exploding at my clit and g-spot as I felt my muscles contract and expand in an explosion of pleasure.

I yelled out his name and he gripped my ass tightly drinking in every ounce of come my body brought forth in offering. I was breathing so deeply now I lowered my back onto the ground again and prepared to wait to find my voice again, but before that happened Jake sat up and pulled me onto his lap so that I was straddling his legs and resting against his cock. At the connection of our bodies, I jumped from surprise. Jake pressed his arm against my back, pushing my breasts into him while his other hand found its favorite place- my ass cheek.

Out mouths connected again and I ground my throbbing clit against his cock, using the moisture left over from my orgasm and his pre-cum now seeping from his tip, I ground myself up and down. He brought his other hand down to my ass and lifted me, bringing me down slowly until I aligned myself with his tip. I felt the pressure against me but only for a few seconds as my body eagerly accepted him into itself. He brought me down slowly, until finally he filled me completely and there was again that sense of completeness. Both of our breaths hitched and we exhaled each other's names in unison. I began to move myself up and down, with Jake's help as my body was so much smaller than his, it made the feat difficult to conquer on my own. His tongue was in my mouth, massaging my tongue, he nipped at my lip and my ear as I gripped his strong shoulders and pulled his hair. I rotated my hips towards his body, bringing my clit into contact with his stomach on each stroke and after several minutes he took over, guiding my body when I no longer had the energy to do it myself. He picked our speed up and the moisture from where our two bodies met provided a sweet, earthy smell. My nipples rubbed against his body and both of us looked down often to see how we looked when coming together.

"Oh, God Bella. Yes, Fuuuuuuckkkk." He exhaled.

"Mmmmmnnn, Jake, yes- faster please!" I returned.

He increased the speed until finally he pulled me down hard and instead of pumping through his orgasm like he had the previous few times, he held me there. His head fell back, every muscles in his body tightened, and he clenched his eyes shut while flexing his jaw. I was unbelievably turned on by the sight of him like this, but when I felt his cock contracting, stretching my opening as he released his load of come into me, my muscles contracted against him and I came only seconds after he began.

We sat there, still connected as we caught our breaths and our contended laughter filled the silence.

I had expected him to be ready for more s'mores quickly after that, but after ten minutes his cock remained hard within me and the very thought of it was igniting the fire within me as well. I began rocking back and forth slowly until we were once again grunting and sweating. This time, we switched positions and I lay on my stomach with my knees bent as he lay on top of me, sliding between my legs.

Both of us lasted longer this time, and it was nearly two AM by the time we had had our fill of one another for the time being. The fire had been extinguished and we wrapped ourselves in the blankets, being careful to bring each article of clothing and bit of food we had brought out with us, back inside.

We made our way to Jake's small bedroom and lay down side by side on his tiny bed. I was beyond exhausted, and I was wary to ruin such a perfect night by bringing Edward up, but I knew I had put it off long enough, so I rolled towards him and wrapped my leg around him, placing my palm on his chest.

"Jake," I whispered.

"Yeah." He combed his fingers through my hair.

"I have to tell you something…"


End file.
